I Wish This Was an April Fool's Day Joke

...Really, Beyonce? I mean, I'm sure your new fragrance smells gorgeous, and this is coming from somebody who loves the last two Jennifer Lopez fragrances.

But... really, did you have to sample Cindy Crawford's tub scene from "Freedom '90" for this one? And haven't you done enough by covering "You Oughta Know" in concert?

Now that I think about it, you might as well sample the rest of my record/tape/CD collection from the Nineties, anyway. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and do that? I was already an awkward teenager back then; I probably don't even need the music to be reminded of the fact at all.

Let's start with this one, shall we?



You have no idea how many times my friends and I wore out Our Time in Eden and found it so profound. Now I see this, and I think of how self-righteous Natalie Merchant turned out to be. It's not for nothing that she has inspired the "have met/was bitch" meme on Tomato Nation.

Speaking of self-righteous and off-putting...


Sorry, Paula, but I needed to say it.

Which reminds me:



Of all the epic dance-floor anthems that came out in the Nineties, nothing says "Meimei at 16: drunk, underaged, and desperate for attention" like this one.

And finally, in the event that neither Shakira nor J.Lo are available to perform this song in public...



Happy April First, everyone!

Edited to add: Holy crap, I still can't believe that Jennifer Lopez has actually sampled "Lambada" for "On The Floor." Really.