Saturday, February 03, 2007

Domesticity Reviews: Dark Chocolate M&M's

The point of dark chocolate, in my opinion, is that it is meant to be enjoyed slowly. Dark chocolate - especially the good stuff, though this applies to the "regular" dark chocolate from the supermarket - is meant to be savored bite by bite, melted gently on the tongue to release all the latent flavor elements within the dark, buttery morsel. It is not meant to be gnawed off and eaten on the fly; once those distinctive chocolate elements become evident on the palate, you have no choice but to savor the moment of pleasure - to lie back, sigh softly, and melt slowly.

The point of M&Ms, on the other hand, is the polar opposite of what dark chocolate - or any other chocolate, for that matter - is meant to be. They're not supposed to melt in your hand - in fact, they're not supposed to melt, period. M&Ms are what you reach for when you're going through the mid-afternoon funk, when you need to gnash your teeth upon something that's meant to shatter and make noise. Chocolate content notwithstanding, you're not supposed to enjoy M&Ms for the taste. You want those damn M&Ms, and you want them now - or else, before the unsuspecting dork in the cubicle next door gets it.

So what happens when you put dark chocolate in the familiar hard candy shell coating of an M&M? I tried a packet once (they're the ones in the purple baggy) and the first thing I noticed was that they tasted vaguely like Smarties - or at least the Smarties I remember from 20+ years ago, when my Dad used to bring them home from his travels. But still, I couldn't get over the extreme oxymoron of putting dark chocolate in a hard candy shell - no matter how much the slogan tries to convince me otherwise, the stuff will never melt in my mouth.

After eating my way through a whole package, I finally concluded that, while the dark choco/candy shell combo does taste pleasant, it's not exactly what I would consider a mind-blowing gourmet experience either. If you're stressed out and you need the flavonols, that's fine, but I'm sticking to my usual Special Dark.

Come to think of it, there is something else that I'm reminded of after eating those M&Ms... and it's not who you think.

Attention, all ladies. The Candyman is on the prowl. And for those who want to get busy, you've gots to speak up now.