Domesticity Retail Mini-Roundup: A Preview

The long national nightmare is over: After four months of pining and yearning, I have finally managed to land my personal version of these dream shoes at my local Payless store.

More about them - and why they're considered the most wanted shoes in the Philippines - in an upcoming post.

In other news: Meimei finally gets a curling iron. Also another post for another day, since the pictures aren't exactly what we'd call "flattering" right now.

The Working Wardrobe

As much as I love the crazy fashion scene we have here in the Philippines - and by extension, Southeast Asia - I also can't deny the widespread impact of the current global recession on people's lives. At a time when skilled overseas workers from the Third World are being sent back to their home countries and budgets are getting slashed across the board, there's no reason to think that anyone's job is anywhere near safe.

Suffice it to say that, as a professional who's entering the Philippine job market for the first time, I am facing quite a challenge. Back in Honolulu, I was practically ready to hire if I showed up at a job interview wearing a button-down blouse, long pants, and covered shoes; considering the weather, the field I was in, and the laid-back corporate culture, I didn't need to be dressed in a suit to be taken seriously. That's not the case in Manila, where a global approach to economic growth demands a more conservative approach to dressing... even though the climate isn't exactly blazer-worthy.

Thus, I turn my attention back to creating another capsule wardrobe on Polyvore.

Working Girl by meimei96

The inspiration for this set, of course, comes from the packaging for the Pretty Polly nylons that you can see in the middle; the pic itself suggests a naughty-secretary vibe, but I wanted to go for something equally edgy and mysterious without the accompanying conniptions from the HR department. Since I'm currently trying to make a career transition into a corporate-but-creative setting, my picks may be a little less conservative than expected.

Nevertheless, the rules still apply...

- Separate, but neutral. Let's face it - unless you are working in a very conservative workplace where you do have to deal with numerous high-rolling clients, most of us don't really need a full suit system. Regardless of where you get your suit-like separates - like jackets, pants, and skirts - what does matter is to stay as close to a neutral palette as possible, without breaking from tradition. The J. Crew blazer that I chose for this set, for example, is similar to the khaki blazers that I have in my closet, and appropriate for the warmer climes in Southeast Asia and the Pacific Rim. This would definitely be fine if you're working someplace creative and casual, but for a more conservative setting - like, say, a law office or a major financial institution - I would've either matched up that jacket to the navy skirt (again, similar to something I already own) or made a "suit" with matching khaki pants.

- Tailored to perfection. What I wanted to avoid in this set was the same mistake that I had made for most of my professional career: not paying attention to proper fit. I say this because I have spent most of my career in Hawaii wearing the same shapeless black cardigan to work every single day, which made me look dowdy regardless of what I wore with it. When I made the decision to move to Manila, I ended up chucking the black cardi in favor of tailored blazers. Now, I'm not saying you should dress like one of the old boys - and we'll get to more on that point later - but you do want to make sure that what you wear to work conveys power and competence. Tailoring your skirts and jackets to fit makes a lot of difference in doing that; so do adding conservative touches such as wingtip-style high heels or a structured leather bag, like the Mulberry Bayswater shown here.

- Feminize it. Where I part from all the power-dressing rules is my insistence on softening the suit-y parts of the work wardrobe with comfortable, feminine details. Again, keeping the climate in consideration here, I chose to pair the blazer with short-sleeved blouses - but not your usual bow-tied froofy blouses from the '80s (see also: the movie 9 to 5). I like the flattering neckline on this Celine blouse, which doesn't choke at the neck but still keeps the cleavage covered; I love how the whole thing drapes from sleeve to hem. But I also like the vibrant color and basic design of the Dorothy Perkins shirt, too, which provides room for both tradition and comfort. I can also see myself wearing these blouses without the jacket, too - still professional while beating the heat and humidity - and, if I'm feeling adventurous, I might even wear them untucked with a slim leather belt. Any combination of design and color would work, too, as long as it flatters the body and the skin tone.

- Flattery takes you far. My rule is that the closer I wear anything to my face, the softer and more feminine it should be - thus, the color and shape of the blouses. I also chose the rose button earrings for the same reasons, since they're designed to add a little bit of adornment without clashing with either my skin tone or the rest of the outfit. (As much as I love dangly earrings and such, I would rather not faff around with fussy jewelry when I'm working - better to just put something on and forget about it until you get home.)

- Within due bounds. Now, as for avoiding looking like the "sexy-tary," I do make a few concessions in the name of corporate professionalism: sticking to full-coverage shoes instead of stilettos (easier to walk in), wearing nylons (because, let's face it, even Manila isn't ready for bare legs in the office), and sticking with a structured bag that's not festooned with all sorts of designer logos or alien textures. I also want to add that it's important for highly qualified job seekers like me to avoid the pitfall of wearing makeup that's too heavy and/or too bright. (Let's just say that deep red lipstick has cost me a few jobs here and there, and leave it at that.)

Now, are we ready to face this market together, or what? ;)

Closet Inventory

Ladies and gentlemen... my closet.

This is the only place where I keep my clothes; everything else, like underwear and socks, ends up in the drawers. I have a shoe rack in there, too, but that's another discussion for another time; for now, let's talk about the clothes.

I just went through a major purge recently, which led to a lot of revelations: for every wrongfully punished outfit (sorry, Indian tunic that got donated recently to Goodwill), there are a few mistakes that actually remain in the closet for some strange reason: tacky souvenir shirts from my parents' travels; forgotten skirts; sweaters "just in case" it gets cold. As you can see, however, my favorite dresses, blouses, and pants remain at the forefront - perpetual staples for any occasion, from church to work to the occasional gala event.

One item sticks out from this closet like a Yeti in a candy shop: a white cable-knit sweater that was given to me as a gift by a favorite supervisor at the Chaminade bookstore. I wore this on our trip to San Diego to keep me warm; it's disproportionate and stretched out, yet I can't bear to even part with it on account of being a gift from a person I always loved and respected. My Masters robe and hood from my recent graduation is here, too; just looking at it makes me happy for so many intangible reasons.

See this red cheongsam above? I love it - all that red and gold mingling together, like an unending Chinese New Year party... and yet, I still have not found the heart to wear it for the last five years, mostly because I wore it to events associated with some seriously painful memories. I've been dithering about getting it retailored, too, since I do remember being a little larger when I first started wearing this out. But there's still hope: I may wear it again to my next trip to Cleveland, or at least to another event that would purge the trauma from the past once and for all.
Here is the oldest item in my closet: a tunic that my Dad got for me in Sumatra when I was 15. How this blouse has managed to hold itself up after 16 years' worth of washings (and several size fluctuations on my part) is astounding, but what makes this even more remarkable is the fact that this item basically started my unending romance with South Asian-style long-sleeved embroidered tunics.

Speaking of items that Just Won't Die... there are no words to describe why, or how, this Old Navy skirt managed to stay in my closet, despite the fact that I no longer actively pursue the "naughty Catholic schoolgirl" look in all aspects of my life. I personally think that the deal-breakers here involve the length and the tailoring; despite the oh-so-trite plaid pattern, I can still dress it up with tights, heels, and a black turtleneck, or dress it down with flip-flops and a plain T-shirt. As long as I'm not wearing it with something that has a sailor collar or a tie - and as long as my hair remains un-pigtailed - I should be fine.

And then there's the inevitable Wardrobe Rescue - in this case, it's a reversible jacket from Nepal that's designed to float and flow over the body, but in its current state it makes me look like I have no shoulders whatsoever. But before I threw this back into the Good Willy bin, I experimented by throwing it on a plain T-shirt and cinching it, kimono-style, with a corset belt. Result: a newly invigorated piece for the colder months.

What I'll Be Wearing Today

(It was a choice between this and Amy Winehouse's ode to slutty footwear... which I will explain later.)

Okay - so today happens to be the baptism for Bunny's baby #3, and normally I'd show up for something like this wearing something prim and pink and flat-heeled and whatnot while I smile my way through the canapes.

Except for the fact that this is the first social gathering I will be attending since my trip to Cleveland... and if the winds of fate blow a certain way, it may be one of the last social gatherings I will be attending in Honolulu before my post-grad career takes me to certain greener pastures.*

(So, THAT explains the endless stream of Kate Nash/ Amy Winehouse/ Lily Allen/ Adele coming out of my laptop today...)

Since I'm a guest to this party, I think a little adventure may be in order - starting with these shoes:

I bought these shoes for only $8 at Payless in Tower City, and already they've started a commotion. Scribe couldn't stop taking pictures, and her usually diplomatic husband started squeeing in delight when she showed them to him. Back in Honolulu, I showed the picture to my sister (herself the owner of red patent-leather platform shoes and pointy boots) and she just raised her eyebrow at me as if I've spent my life savings on them.

Of course I won't be wearing them *all* the time - I'm stashing some flip-flops, just in case - but I will be wearing this dress that I got at Dots in Severance Center:

Scribe was right: The red and white in the shoes goes with the red and white in the dress. It's all very Carmen Miranda, in a way - especially with the corset-like smocking around the bodice - and I don't think I'll be able to help it if I start sambaing around the reception area in this get-up.

Haven't decided on a face, yet, but my toes are currently painted a brighter tomato red than the shoes, and my nails are going to be more of a vampy berry red (Sinful Colors in #335 Lying Nails, only $1.99 at Walgreens). I'm definitely going with the mineral foundation, with red lips and a bolder blush next to some neutral eyes and serious lashes. And the hair will definitely be side-parted.

There will be pictures. Oh yes, there will be pictures. :)

*EDITED: I just returned from the party, and found that the guest list was shorter than I thought - which means that it was totally a small family-and-friends affair with all of her - and our -favorite people. No need to worry about who was there for what! So happy.

Also, the Sinful nail polish that I just mentioned? Beee-yooooo-teee-ful. It's red like Christmas tinsel, and just as sparkly. Looooove it on my hands - kind of reminds me of Uma Thurman and her Chanel Vamp nailpolish in Pulp Fiction.

What I'm Wearing Tomorrow

The event: I'm going to be observing at a school not too far from where I live. It's my first time at the school, and my first time meeting with the administration and the teachers for this school, so it's important for me to look professional, within bounds.

The outfit:
- Casual Corner blue floral silk blouse over Fruit of the Loom pink A-line tank
- Old Navy low-rise bootcut jeans
- Airwalk brown suede sneakers with low-cut socks

The makeup:
- L'Oreal True Match pressed powder in Sun Beige
- L'Oreal True Match concealer in Medium/Deep W 6-7-8
- Stila eye shadows in Wheat and Barefoot Contessa
- Stila blush in Belle
- Elizabeth Arden Exceptional Lipstick in Shimmer

Other:
- Facial moisturizer: Aveeno Ultra-Calming Daily Moisturizer SPF 15
- Body moisturizer: Lush Fever massage bar (must. finish. this. soon!)
- Fragrance: Johnson's Baby Cologne in Summer Swing
- Hair: No product, if I can help it

What I'm Wearing Tomorrow

Since I will be going to an '80s party, and I will be going as Tom Cruise in Risky Business (except my shirt is blue, and I will be wearing houndstooth shorts underneath -- plus flipflops, since I don't want to get my socks dirty), I've decided to get with the Halloween spirit and wear some majorly whacked-out makeup on my face. For your consideration...

- L'Oreal True Match pressed powder in Sun Beige
- L'Oreal True Match Super-blendable Concealer in W6
- Max Factor MAXeye eyeshadow in Metalicious (lime green/peacock blue/purple). Basically I'm dusting the lime green all over my lid and possibly using the blue as a liner under my eyes, which doesn't look freaky at all if I do everything with a light hand. Thank goodness for that 2-for-1 deal I got in the coupons, since I also bought the Max Factor eyeshadow in Premiere Pink (pink/brown/mauve) which I plan to wear on another occasion.
- Cover Girl Lash Exact mascara in black on the top lids only
- Stila Belle blush
- Jordana lip liner in Tawny
- Maybelline Moisture Whip lipstick in Mystic Burgundy (which shouldn't clash with the lime green)

I've thought about going over the top with the black eyeliner, but then I did the dry run with the eyeshadow and was amazed by how the bright pastel colors made my eyes look a whole lot bigger, which is so much more in line with the whacked-out preppy look I'm going after.

It's gonna be a happy, happy Halloween, y'all.

Domesticity DOUBLE Dispatch: Hanging by a Moment

Today's a double whammy of an entry, because I'm already writing about two disparate things at the same time. I just want to get all of this out of the way because I have a very important appointment tomorrow morning in Manila and I have to leave super-early to beat the traffic.

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PART I: WARDROBE POST
Here's what I will be wearing tomorrow:

WARDROBE
- Faro mauve/pink ruffled 3/4 sleeve blouse, purchased at Rustan's (I love this line!)
- Old Navy black pants
- Marks and Spencer black microsuede pumps
- cubic zirconia earrings bought at Ross eight years ago

MAKEUP AND FRAGRANCE
- L'Oreal True Match pressed powder in W6 Sun Beige
- Maybelline Moisture Whip lipstick in Mystic Burgundy
- Chanel Chance EDT
- Backup: see all of the above, plus Revlon Super Lustrous lipgloss in Raisin Glaze, Watson's Oil Control blotting papers, and hand sanitizer

HAIR
Tied back with a black elastic

OTHER ACCESSORIES
Black leather folio for those important files

Why so minimalist, you ask? Well, for one thing, I have to leave the house by four in the morning so I could beat traffic and be at my appointment by 7 AM, so anything complicated - read: eye makeup - goes out of the window. Here's a clue: Where I'm going, it's not going to be too comfortable because there will be a lot of people... but I am expected to look (and act) professional, because I do need to be taken seriously.

And, no, I am not going to an early taping for Wowowee! or Philippine Idol, because we all know I have as much of a chance of winning anything on those shows as I have of winning one night in Las Vegas with Wentworth Miller.

Wish me luck, guys; I'll need it.

*****

PART II: A VERY SUPERNOVA ELIMINATION, WEEK 8

No, I didn't wake up early enough for this, so it shouldn't even deserve its own entry. (I was up all night drafting my papers for tomorrow, ahem.) BUT I did catch the last 15 minutes, where my lovely Magni ended up at the bottom again with Go Home Patrice (who did) and Stop Humping The Drum Kit Toby (which he also did). Patrice really gave it her all for "Middle of the Road," but we all knew from the beginning that she was going home anyway, so there.

Toby, however, gained back a few pogi points for me with "Plush," even though his version is way too gritty next to the version Magni did a few weeks ago. And Magni's "Fire" was just insane, but it has also confirmed my suspicion that he is way too good for Suave Porn.

Wait... Toby performed with Suave Porn today? There... are... no... words.

My picks, revised:

Will go next week: Toby or Magni (Storm stopped phoning it in last night, and more people are jumping off Dilana's train for her)
Should have an original song ready by next week: Storm, Dilana
Should pay more attention to the requests next week: Toby (I still can't see him "showing creativity" as much as I see him "showing his pixellated private parts"), Lukas (hello, Wild Card), Ryan (hello, subtlety), Magni (hello, more tight jeans)
Top five: Dilana, Lukas, Ryan, Storm, Magni
Will end up winning: Heck if I know. At least INXS was likable (and Gary Garry Beers was super-easy on the eyes), but Suave Porn just bugs me to the point of not caring. That's why I'm predicting an early exit for Magni at this point.

(Hey, producers? I have another idea. Why not have somebody sing "Selling the Drama" by Live two weeks from now? I HATE that song, but I'd LOVE to see somebody kill it for me.)

The Case for the Wardrobe Post, Part 2

Because I am headed out to Manila to see a rock concert with my friend, I figured I might as well post what I'll be wearing tonight.

CLOTHES
- Julie's Closet jersey cap-sleeve blouse in black and pink floral print with lace "cross-your-heart" detail on neckline and bodice (purchased at Ross last year)
- Old Navy nude camisole
- Gap Curvy Fit petite jeans
- Beaded dangling earrings with copper detail (gift from my Mom when she went to Bangladesh)
- Highlights green suede wedge-heel moccasins with brown satin trim

MAKEUP
- Prep: Aveeno Ultra Calming Lotion SPF 15 (face); Smith's Rosebud Salve (lips)
- Foundation: Sephora Professionel Perfection Base primer and L'Oreal True Match pressed powder in W6 Sun Beige
- Eyes: L'Oreal HIP eyesadow in Mischief (gold side for base, navy side for smudging) with Revlon Colorstay eyeliner in Black Brown
- Brows: Stila Rain eyeshadow
- Cheeks: Stila Belle blush (bright fuschia pink - yeah, baby!)
- Lips: NYX automatic lip liner in Rose Brown, Maybelline Moisture Whip in Mystic Burgundy (because it's all about the wine lipstick this season, folks!)

FRAGRANCE
- Johnson's Baby Cologne in Summer Splash (for the "just showered" feeling, since I figured it was going to be sweaty out there)

HAIR
Tied up right now, but will be blowdried later with Got2B Shagged Out Liquid Fiber texturizing lotion

BACKUP (in purse)
Mystic Burgundy lipstick, Johnson's Baby Cologne, Watsons Oil Control blotting papers, Watsons hand wash, and Smints

Basically, I don't know what to call this "look" per se, but I do want to look decent enough to be able to leave the house under my parents' watch. Note that I'm also giving myself a break from mascara, since I've been losing lashes at an alarming rate lately.

Domesticity Retail Roundup: Manila Edition

This past week, we had two different appointments in Manila, which facilitated two different shopping trips. One was at Ayala Center in Makati, which has been radically revamped since I last came here in 2000 (hello, Greenbelt 3!) - I wore out my shoes just walking from wing to wing, looking for stores. The other was at Festival Supermall in Alabang, which is just as gigantic as Ayala Center but not as confusing to walk through. Despite the grand magnitude and impressive range of items at both malls, however, I still managed to buy only a handful of stuff - because, as you know, I'm way too frugal that way. (To be fair, however, I barely stopped myself from drooling all over the new Diptyque and L'Occitane stalls at Rustan's.) So, instead of talking about what I saw at each store, I'm going to talk about the things that I actually bought. Shocker!

- Maxi striped blouse, Landmark: Lately I've been a fan of the open Mandarin collar, which is basically a band around your neck with a deep V-like opening in front (the better to show off that sternum and not look like a block, heh). This blouse - with long, roomy, uncuffed sleeves - is made from cotton shirting, with pink and yellow stripes and buttons the size of US quarters. It doesn't button all the way down, though, but I think it's a good informal alternative for the moments when a traditional shirt would be too starchy and a T-shirt would be too casual.

- Maybelline lip gloss and lipstick, PCX: Let me state for the record that I am a sucker for sales, especially for lip product. That's why I couldn't help but snap up not one, but two, about-to-be-discontinued products that are obviously not available in the States. (The clerk told me that they were clearing out stock to make way for the Moisture Extreme line.) The Moisture Whip lipstick in Mystic Burgundy is a darker version of the US Moisture Extreme's Red Dawn shade, which has a satin finish; it's not a daring, bloody red (like the Maybelline ME's Cherry Brown or my beloved MAC Underworld) but more on the sensible, plummy side. I still needed a lip balm to wear this, but it stayed on sensibly nonetheless. My current favorite, however, is the Fruity Jelly lip gloss in 06 Strawberry, which I bought for way less than $1.99. At first I was scared because it was such a pale baby pink in the tube, but I was surprised that it went on super sheer without even looking the least bit sparkly. Not to mention that the stuff smells like candy and is the least bit sticky going on your lips. Really awesome!

Seriously, folks: The Asian versions of familiar global brands are definitely worth a look and try. Some brands are pretty good with putting out products and packaging that are definitely geared to the Asian market and not mere retreads of tired American or European stock. When I went to PCX, the sale table also had the most darling eyeshadow singles from Maybelline - tinier than the American compacts - as well as sensible eyeshadow duos from L'Oreal. Now if only they would manage to diversify the shade ranges for their foundation (and not stick us non-"porcelain/ivory" folk with just one shade that isn't always a guaranteed match - there's a reason why I do end up at the Lancome counter from time to time), I'd be a happy camper.

- Tea tree and lemon eucalyptus incense from some New Age stall, Ayala Center Glorietta: It's supposed to be for the outdoors, to ward off insects, but I use it in my bedroom because it smells great. Also because I sometimes get mosquito bites, so anything's better than nothing.

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Lest I forget to mention this, I got a haircut at Jesi Mendez last Friday. My hair's still long, but layered in such a way that it's practically feathered all over, like a '70s shag. The layers around the crown, in particular, are really short verging on mullet-like, so if I tie my hair back it almost looks like I went all the way and got a pixie cut. (I like to joke sometimes that my current hairdo is the result of a one-night stand between Sienna Miller and Steve Perry.) That said, I'm far from looking like a retro holdover; on the contrary, it's now so feathery and shaggy and rocker-chick-y that it looks even better when it's slept in and messy, especially when I pin the sides back. It also looks better when I brush my hair while holding my head upside down, with minimal to no styling product whatsoever. Hey, it could work.

The Case for the Occasional Wardrobe Entry

Today: no makeup, schlumpy sweatpants, and an old t-shirt, 'cause there's nothing glam about cleaning the apartment before I go.

Tomorrow: I leave for Manila (via Guam) wearing the following ensemble:

Outfit:
- black suit blazer
- black Old Navy boot-cut trousers
- blue-and-orange Old Navy T-shirt with long sleeves
- white low-cut socks
- blue-and-silver Reebok running sneakers
- extra polo shirt (in carry-on luggage)

Luggage:
- Carry-on: khaki-colored Dockers tote made from Tumi-inspired fabric, with lots of room for my visa documents, books, extra shirt, and CD player
- Check-in suitcase: burgundy Samsonite hard-shell packed with clothes, toiletries, and an entire box of Hawaiian Host macadamia nuts (among other gifts for the folks back home). Also in the suitcase: my Stila 8-pan (because I can't live without neutral shadow, but I ain't toting that bad boy with me on the plane), Olay Daily Facials Express (again, too lazy to bring my actual face wash), Chanel Chance EDT (the better to sniff all the other fragrances at the duty free) and both of my Aveeno calming moisturizers.
-Other check-in luggage: box full of old clothes, for my relatives back home

Hair: down (no ponytail) but texturized with Garnier Fructis Surf Hair texture cream

Makeup:
- L'Oreal True Match powder in W6 Sun Beige
- L"Oreal HIP eyeshadow in Mischief
- Maybelline Sky High Curves mascara in black
- BareMinerals Face Color in Warmth
- Smith's Rosebud Salve (because there's nothing more annoying on a long flight than disappearing lip color)
- In the carry-on: all of the above, except for the BareMinerals (I'n not going to let that stuff spill all over me), which was replaced by the L'Oreal Feel Naturale blush in Mocha Rose. Also: L'Oreal HIP lip gloss in Gallant; MAC eyeshadow in Crystal; some eyeliner (I haven't decided yet) and some lipstick (ditto), plus Dove Cleansing Pillows and L'Occitane Verbena Shea Butter.

As I've mentioned before, however, I can't guarantee that I will be posting out of the country, but if I can, I will let you know. I do expect to be back by the 4th of July, though, so until then... andiamo!

The Case for the Basics, #2: A Good Bra

Here's the second in a series of essays about “the basics” that I'll be covering this week. Read on...

I am not the first person to tell you how important it is to get a good bra. By now you've probably heard all the reasons why you should get yourself fitted properly for one, so if you haven't done so already I definitely recommend going to your nearest lingerie store (or at least the lingerie departments for Macy's or Neiman Marcus), armed with a tape measure and the judgement of a good friend, and get yourself measured by a professional bra fitter ASAP. (There are also independent bra fitters in Honolulu, too, but you may have to ask around; some of your better bridal shops may be able to make referrals.) It won't be an easy process, but once you get that out of the way you can at least get a measure of your peace of mind back.

Come to think of it, isn't peace of mind part of the reason why we ladies wear bras in the first place? It doesn't matter if you're big or small, practical or frilly, mature or youthful - there's always a need for our breasts to feel supported and protected, like they're part of us instead of just part of our bodies. Let's face it, the bra is one of the few garments in our underwear drawers that manages to uphold our decency and modesty while still retaining the physical essence of our womanhood. A properly fitted and styled bra, regardless of the price, is a measure of how we honor our bodies as part of our selves.

If you already have your proper bra measurements done, and you realize that you won't be able to get a decent bra in your size at any other store, you can always turn to the Internet. Unlike panties, the band size for your bra will remain consistent, regardless of which style you choose, and the returns are easier if you try it on and don't like the look.

Remember those scenes in the period movies or romance novels, where the heroine has to hold on to a pillar while her ladies-in-waiting push and strap her into a corset? Well, a good bra is supposed to do exactly that, but effortlessly and without the extra hands. As your mother will tell you, a good bra is meant to help you maintain good form and posture, especially for your back and shoulders. A good bra is supposed to work against gravity and not shimmy and droop under your breasts by the end of the day. Even if it is strapless.

If you're looking for a sports bra, it is definitely important that you find one that reduces the bouncing as much as possible. But that doesn't mean that you should find one that causes you to throw out your shoulder when you're putting it on - or taking it off, for that matter. If you're a D-cup and the tag on that sports bra specifically tells you that it's best for a B or C, don't even try to force your way into it. Same principle applies to the purchase of other bras as well. Think about it: What good is the sale price if you'll need the Jaws of Life to set your girls free?

If you're in the market for a maternity bra... well, I'm no expert (hello, childless singleton here), but I've met numerous mommies here in Honolulu who say that maternity and nursing bras make great baby shower gifts. Personally, even though I've probably attended my own fair share of bridal showers, I still don't think I'm at that point where I could guess someone's exact bra size, sight unseen, so I guess your mileage will have to vary on this one. But if you are a mom, do try to get fitted as often as you can, because otherwise you don't want to keep assuming that you'll stay the same size up there forever.

A good bra is meant to give you a clean line under your clothes. And by “clean line” I mean that you should be able to put a shirt or dress over it and still look like yourself, as opposed to making you look flabby or overstuffed. One of the reasons why I don't wear "minimizer" bras owes to the fact that taking a few inches off my ta-tas makes them look like man-boobs, especially when paired with the pot belly. Not. Sexy.

The bra should not pinch unnaturally and create unsightly bumps or rolls of flesh where they don't belong. The bra should also not squish your breasts or make them look like tumors, gourds, meat products, reptile eggs, props from the last Alien movie, or the naturally ripe fruits of certain tropical rainforest plants that look like they could fall from their branches and cause massive stinkage once they've been cracked open and stomped into the ground by clueless pedestrians.

Under no circumstances whatsoever should you ever allow your bra to show through your shirt. A tank with highly visible straps may be cute if you're young and fit, but on anyone else it looks cheap and desperate. The same goes for the visible outlines and everything else that your bra is supposed to prevent in the first place. Think about the first or last few times you've seen somebody with prominent nips or visible lace outlines poking through their shirt. Chances are, more often than not, it wasn't a pretty sight - unless you're a fetishist about this sort of thing, in which case I'll have to refer you to your nearest spiritual counselor.

(Which reminds me: Is it true what I've heard about guys who actually get turned on by visible panty lines? Because, ew. And they deserve to be pitied.)

The best bra should not only give you uplift, separation, and support, but should also distribute the flesh around your chest in such a way that puts meat on your ribcage and softens the edges around the clavicle. It is also very important for a bra to support your breasts in such a way that they consistently point straight forward and not in two different directions.

You know you've got a good one when your chest and cleavage looks healthy and full all over from the neck down. You know you've got a bad one when... heck, just open a copy of Vogue, Cosmo, or even Lucky, and tell me that those xylophone-chested models are wearing any kind of support other than duct tape or boob petals.

If you have to wash your bras, and handwashing them is not an option, I have two words for you: lingerie bag. Make sure to close the hooks before you put them in so they won't get tangled.

And, like everything in fashion, no matter where you get your Good Bra, it's always a good idea to get more than one in your size - assuming, of course, that you have factored the purchase into your budget. As the wise women in my family would say, it's not like anyone's going to care what you paid for it, because you're not going to wear it outside. And if you meet someone who does care that much about your undies, well... ahem. And ahem. And... oh, you get the idea. Point being, there's no point in going broke over underwear, that's all.

With the right bra, you can be more than confident about yourself - you can be confident about your sense of honor and decency.

But if you have to, disregard these rules at your own risk - and in the privacy of your bedroom, please - if you intend to "torture" Alejandro Sanz (or any hottie of your choice) with your improvised sexy dance moves.