Randomesticity: The Soltera Strikes Back

Remember the dark, sultry alter-ego that popped up on this blog around this time last year? Guess what - she's back, and she just underwent yet another makeover for another one of her covert-ops assignments. She's even got a new name to go with her new image, since "Mancatcher" must've sounded a little too aggressive for her current post.

Take it away, La Soltera...

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Hola, chiquitos! I'm here on the set of my new telenovela for TFC, which we're planning to shoot soon in Honolulu. I'd let you in on the juicy details, but I don't want to get in trouble just in case I get mauled by violent fangirls who will all have it in for me when they find out which love-team I've been hired to break up on this current job. Between you and me, though, I took this job anyway because it was way more bearable than facing off with that dead-eyed heifer who's playing Darna right now on the other network. Why, oh, why couldn't they have put me on that show with the cute little boy who talks to Jesus instead?

And yes, there is some truth to the rumors that I was supposed to be part of the proposed Domesticity spin-off blog, but this telenovela assignment came in before everything got finalized... and, well, who knows if Meimei gets another post before I do. But enough about that. How about some random bits?

- You know, Mei and I are both totally "meh" over the September 2009 issue of Preview. It didn't knock us over the head like July did, nor did it grow on us like the August issue. Meimei, of course, likes the beauty section (she always does, that girl) and I liked the feature on up-and-coming fashion designers in Manila, but... really, meh. And that's not even including that letter from Anonymous who's obviously got an ax to grind, what with insinuating that two of the Best Dressed Ladies from July's list have tacky manners and trying to exhort Preview to feature more role models for the youth ek ek chorva-chenes whatever. We get it: beautiful, stylish women are more trouble than they're worth, and the strong among us who make the real difference don't get enough medals. And this is news!?!?! Please. Take it from a former social climber, here: Cream always rises to the top; dreck never stays afloat for too long.

(Meimei adds: Matthew 6:1-4, NAB version. That is all.)

- Also getting the big "meh" from us: Project Runway Philippines. Don't get us wrong - we love the Rajo, and we wish Jojie Lloren was our fairy gayfather. It's just that we don't like the tendency for Filipino reality shows to over-dramatize their contestants; there's nothing we that breaks our heart more than to watch a seemingly harmless talent show and see people crying for their families and their need to win, like PRP has been guilty of doing recently. I don't know why this sort of thing is easier to watch (and probably laugh at) on American TV... but the stakes are higher in this country, and it only makes us cry more. It's the same deal we have with the Philippine edition of (Your Country)'s Got Talent: Meimei had to walk out on the results show the other night because she couldn't stand seeing any of these folks lose - especially the hip-hop grandma and the dog-training old guy whose li'l buddy reminded her too much of DogMei. Snif.

- Oh, where are we? Right, housekeeping issues for this blog. Meimei is just putting the finishing touches on a few entries, which will include: another set from Polyvore; a new bag; new shoes (holla!); and the awesome new hair-product discovery that has changed her life for the best. Rest assured that there will be more beauty and fashion posts coming down the pike in the next few weeks... and watch out this September, too, when Meimei finally rolls out her Wish List for Fall 2009!

- And just in case I forget: Meimei wants you to know that the HIP Bright Shadow duo in Flamboyant that she raved about a few months ago is still working exceptionally well for her. She says that the combination of bright yellow and grape-purple has done wonders in making her eyes look so much brighter and wider. She loves the combination so much that I even got the makeup artist on this telenovela to do my eyes the same way Mei does, with the purple in the outer corners and the yellow on the lids. Gorgeous!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to grab a little snack before the cameras start rolling. I hear that I'm going to be in the big confrontation scene where I do nothing but wear ridiculous sequinned dresses and flare my nostrils while I give the camera my best stink-eye. (Fun.) Till next time!

Domesticity Dispatch: Can't Live Without

In honor of Allure's beauty-blog coverage (kisses to everyone mentioned - yippee!) I offer my own list of things I can't live without, which I have yet to discuss on my blog. Mostly because these are the same things that are keeping me sane (yet beautiful) while I'm here in the Philippines.

Previously discussed:
- Smith's Rosebud Salve
- L'Oreal True Match pressed powder
- Bare Escentuals Face Color in Warmth (not with me, unfortunately)
- L'Oreal HIP eyeshadow in Mischief
- L'Occitane Verbena shea butter
- Bath & Body Works Coconut Lime Verbena (both shower gel and Anti-Bacterial Moisturizing Hand Lotion)
- Old Navy by Kiss My Face ONBody Shower Gel in White Chocolate + Orange
- Garnier Fructis Volumizing Conditioner (works even with Philippine tap water!)
- Aveeno Ultra Calming Moisturizer
- Jordana lip liner in Tawny
- Bench FiX Hairlastic styling cream

Current list:
- Stila eyeshadows in Wheat, Twig, Barefoot Contessa, and Ebony: My 8-pan also contains the discontinued Rain shadow (the better to fill in those brows) and Belle blush (the better to brighten those cheeks). I love how the eyeshadows in particular are neutral, but never boring, and quite long-lasting. I intend to use them all up until I get to the bottom of the pan.

- Maybelline Sky High Curves mascara: Works even in humid weather, and gives great volume as well as curl. Plus it's also available locally!

- Watson's Oil Control Blotting Paper: Best for absorbing sweat and grease on the T-zone.

- L'Oreal Feel Naturale Blush in Mocha Rose: Again, a non-boring neutral in a brownish plum blush with bronze shimmer. Great for giving tanned folks like us a little glow without looking pixie-ish.

- Revlon Super Lustrous Gloss in Raisin Glaze: Got this on Tia Williams' recommendation. Girl can't go wrong - I think I may have already found the perfect "my lips but better" shade.

- Chanel Chance: Yeah, I said it. The closest I'll get to a signature fragrance - again, for now - with the most perfect fruity-floral notes.

- Burt's Bees Lemon Cuticle Butter: With stuff like this, who needs regular manicures?

- Sunsilk shampoos in Fresh for Longer and Summer Fresh: Lovely scents and great volumizing ability without leaving my hair limp at the end of the day.

- Lush massage bars in Sleepy Head and Fever: One helps me go to sleep; the other leaves me with a creamy carnation scent. Both keep my skin soft and my sheets lightly scented, which I also love.

- Suave cocoa butter lotion: Mmmm, cocoa butter!

Newsstand Roundup: Manila Glossy Mags

As I mentioned before in my last entry, I seem to have gotten less catty with age. It's definitely not easy, especially right now in the Philippines where most of the nice stores work with "Asian sizing" (note: nothing larger than a US Size 10 for clothes) and beauty still equals youth (see how Filipinas fared in Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty here), but for the most part I'm a lot more patient and even-keeled about the whole situation.

That said, I still feel like sharpening my claws about the Pinoy fashion scene over here, and especially the way it has been covered in the local glossies. On the one hand, the local designers have been turning out a lot of breathtaking designs, and the scenesters are more diverse; on the other, however, we still haven't seen the democratization of fashion that Manolo has been talking about and us fashion bloggers have been yapping on in this space. Maybe it's because Manila's still taking a lot of cues from global mainstream fashion media, but I for one have a wish list of Things I Do Not Want To Read About Ever Again While I'm Still Here:

- Holding up favorite fashion-blogger targets such as Bai Ling, Mischa Barton, and Rachel Zoe Rosenzweig as fashion icons
- Leggings with skirts (also see: Miller, Sienna)
- Shorts as formal wear
- Male models with both bitchface and "butterface," as in "The body's good, but the face..." (in other words, Borgy - or should I say Borg-like - Manotoc)
- Being defined as "fashionable" just because you have the latest It Bag or designer shoes
- Telling us that size and money don't matter when it comes to personal style, then bombarding us with advertorials for expensive things that only skinny trophy wives can wear
- Whitening products in general (I just love it when the mags here praise self-tanner as the Next! In! Thing!)
- All references to the Belo Medical Group... not because I don't want to know who got plastic surgery from Vicki Belo, since I've stopped caring already, but because there's something fishy about how her patients are way too open with the press about their procedures. Hey, Doc, wouldn't you be wondering, too?

Now that I've got your attention, I really should start the nitpicking. The glossies I've chosen to pick on pertain squarely to fashion; for this reason, I've weeded out the Philippine editions of international magazines (like Cosmo and Marie Claire, both of which are just as annoying here as they are Stateside) and teen magazines as well. Because I have limited exposure to these glossies (read: I only get to them when I'm at the salon), I've also decided to base my impressions on a few back issues, so forgive me if some of these views are not as objective as they ought to be.

- The first magazine I bought when I arrived here was Mega, which I thought was fairly decent at first... until I started reading the articles. No offense, since the copy I have here was pretty old and purchased at a back-issue outlet but the grammar was just so stilted (on singer/icon Zsa Zsa Padilla: "She's got an impressive set of pipes on her, with lips to knock out even Jessica Rabbit..." I'm sorry, but - what?) that I couldn't help but take out my red pen and grammar-check the whole issue. Seriously, I am no grammar nazi - and I let a lot of other things ride grammatically over here - but if I read something like "Renown in her own right, [person]'s previous projects includes..." in my magazine, it grates on my nerves. (Dear editors: Yes, all of these blurbs came from one writer in particular. I'm just saying.) It's not a good impression to make on any reader, but especially if said reader usually reads Spirit Fingers to mock the very fashion victims... I mean, fashionistas that Mega's advertisers seem to be targeting. (Not for nothing does Bulgari and Louis Vuitton get a lot of coverage in here.) In short, nothing inspiring to look at here, let's just move right along...

- I only got to read one copy of Metro, the glossy mag for "independent women" produced by the owners of The Filipino Channel. I wanted to forgive them for featuring only TFC-related celebrities, especially since they did come up with some good fashion and beauty reviews. (Well, except for their insistence on skin whitening.) But how can I take a magazine for "independent women" seriously when the articles I remember the most were written by a gay male writer mostly about the fading club scene and how the good old days were so much better with all the drugs going around? Again, I'm just saying.

- Which leaves us with Preview, which has always been my favorite magazine ever since they came out ten years ago looking very much like Allure. It's still not perfect; there's too much emphasis on the "hipster" elements and how it's hard out here for a fashionista (which... well, again, I'm the kind of person that reads Gawker, and this is also the sort of thing Gawker likes to snark on) and the grammar makes my teeth hurt a little, but at least the beauty advice is sound (yay, bronzer!) and the articles are really interesting. I have their July issue right now, in fact, and as much as I don't always agree with them (see my list, above) I actually can see why they chose this particular group of women to be their Best Dressed for the year, all of which I can definitely picture as being edgy and modern without crossing over to annoying. I also think that their celebrity coverage is a lot more thoughtfully handled; even the most annoying starlets are featured in a way that isn't too fawning or condescending. Even luxury items such as resorts in the Maldives and expensive watches are presented in a sophisticated, but still readable, manner. All in all, an entertaining read.

Edited various times because I should be my own Grammar Nazi once in a while.

The Case for the Funny Headline

First the failure of Dessert Beauty, and now this: E! Online says that Jessica Simpson is now being sued for her fashion choices.

Gee, I know it's about a failed endorsement deal, and I'm already not a fan of "celebrity" "clothing" lines. (Don't even get me started on the time I first saw the JLO line at Macy's.) But I can't help but think, if only somebody had thought about this sooner...

(Aside: Does that mean I can sue Maggie Gyllenhaal for her "fashion" choices, too? Or should I just stick to giving Gawker and Defamer fake stories about how Peter Sarsgaard is so leaving her for me?)

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In other news, I'm a month behind on Allure again - since I don't have a subscription, I'm still reading the March anniversary issue - and Lindsay Lohan cover aside (*eyeroll*), I just enjoyed seeing all those old pictorials and classic looks from all fifteen years, not to mention a few good laughs from the bad advice they ended up giving at that moment. Good times.

My all-time favorite picture from Allure: Yasmeen Ghauri with red lipstick. Just stunning, even if the eyebrows look dated. And even though she bugs me on most days, I think this cover shot of J. Lo is actually pretty.

The Case Against the "Hollywood Issue"

Meimei, sweetie, honey... am I so glad to see you. Yeah, I haven't visited in a while. Yeah, it's because, um, I'm busy. Working on a movie. Yeah, that's it...

Wait a minute: Is this about Vanity Fair's Hollywood Issue? You're not upset about not finding it anywhere in town, is it? I mean, I can see why Times Supermarket is still stocking the one with Lindsay on the cover, but... You mean you saw it in Barnes and Noble but didn't get to browse through it because they covered it in plastic? Gee. People these days, man.

Oh, I get it, it's about the whole deal with me tied up in ropes, is it? Baby, I know you thought of the Japanese bondage idea first, but you've got to understand... I told them it was your idea, sweetie. I guess I didn't explain myself well because the photographer must've thought I was talking about Maggie when I mentioned that my "hot, intelligent girlfriend" likes it. Or Jake. Whatever. It was kinda smurfy. The way he was acting, I mean. But I thought it was genius, babe! And so much sexier than what that pervy hack Tom Ford really wanted me to do. I swear, I'm so glad I didn't have to go with it; otherwise that would've been me in a pool of gold paint and live honey bees while groping some random ho's ta-tas.

Mei. Meeeeei. Come here. You know you're the sexy one here. Everything that comes between those pretty little ears of yours is just so. hot. Baby, who made you smile when People forgot to mention me in their Sexiest Man Alive issue? Who made your day after Edward Norton took you out for tea and bored you to death with his latest screenplay? Hm? And you've done so much for me, putting up with my bra-challenged, publicist-approved Hollywood "girlfriend" and my unwatchably hot indie movies. Who loves ya, baby? Come here, bunny. Papa bear wants some sugar...

Oh, all right then. I'll go ahead and call Aaron Sorkin first thing tomorrow morning and tell him it was your idea for me to try out for Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. And after that, I promise you, we'll go out to Wailana Coffee Shop and we'll have all the pancakes and bacon we can stand. Then I'll take you out to the beach and we'll crank-call the producers of Dancing With the Stars 3 to con them into auditioning Maggie and Ed Norton for their show. How's that? Just for you, baby.

EDIT: Don't know about you, but Mei thinks my picture here makes me look a little bit like Lane Davies, don't you think? No wonder she likes me so much, because apparently I seem to share the same "sexy bitch" genes with Mason Capwell from Santa Barbara, which she used to watch every freaking day back when she was 12. And y'all know Mei never really thought she'd see her favorite soap of all time mentioned here in this blog, right? Or that she'd admit to crushing on Mason after years of thinking that Cruz Castillo was cuter. Okay, guys, I'll show myself out the door.