Today's Dispatch: Know Your Pegs

This post was brought to you by Federico Fellini.



- Problem #1: My button-down shirts have been getting a little too tight around the mid-section lately. Not good. Problem #2: My podcast backlog for Popspotting and The Sporkful has gotten quite bloated as of late. Not good either! Solution: Start power-walking again! I find that it's easier for me to put on podcasts instead of music for my long walks around campus because they get me out of my own head.

- Been trying to get back into the groove of writing again. I am finally overcoming my writer's block, which means I should go ahead and start plowing into the next few chapters as well.

- And speaking of writing, I should let you know that I've started futzing around Pinterest lately. Currently I have a board full of pictures devoted to my current writing project, which is practically a mishmash. That's how I roll creatively. ;)

- Last thing taking over my brain (apart from work, writing, Twitter, and anything related to The Hotness) are the two new kittens in my back yard. There were supposed to be three, but the runt died last week and now we have two grey kitties with tabby-esque markings. From what I can see of them now, they look like they could be great mousers when they grow up. Cute!

A Pump and Lift Special: Surprising Wardrobe Item of The Month

Confirmed: In a matter of weeks, I will be on an airplane on my way to Auckland, to visit my family in New Zealand. And not only that, but I will also be spending a few days in Sydney afterwards for more recreation time before flying back to Manila.

Also confirmed: I can totally fit into THIS.

Ladies and gentlemen, my Dad's vintage Burberry jacket, which I've been trying to pull off for the last ten or so years. Not only does it fit me now - after years of not being able to button it over my paunch - but it's actually a little roomy for me.

Let's look at the tag again, shall we?

We'll just let the picture speak for itself.

Pump and Lift, Episode 21: Guess What I'm Giving Up For Lent This Year?

Taken on June 2008, at a diner inside Cleveland's Westside Market.

I never thought I'd say this - not in a million years - but I think it's about time I gave up stimulants for Lent.

Oh, sure, I could've given up any of the other things that usually drive me nuts, like TV or Facebook. The fact remains, however, that I'm helpless when it comes to coffee, tea, and chocolate.

I know they're bad for me, but I just can't help it.

A Pump and Lift Special: Check Yourself Out

This is how you know you've finally gotten over the issues that you have with your body.

You only worry about two things whenever you go swimming: sunburns, and drowning.

You have the power to say no to just about anything and anyone - the extra serving, the dress that won't fit you, even the skeevy guy who just won't take no for an answer.

When you do lose your willpower at the dinner table, you know that it's not the end of the world. Just drink more water and try again tomorrow; you'll be fine.

You don't lose sleep over the fact that fashion magazines - and the models who pose for them - have nothing to do with your real life as it is, and neither do they relate to your own personal aspirations. If you do lose sleep over it, and they do affect your real life as it is, that's because you already work in a field related to the fashion industry.

When you go to the gym, and you look at the hot person running on the treadmill next to you, you think, "Hey, new workout buddy! Wanna race?"

When random guys tell you that you're looking good, you know that they're not saying that because they want to hit on you. Especially if they happen to be members of the clergy.

When you say, "I can't see myself wearing that," you're saying it because the outfit already looks terrible and out of place on whoever happens to be wearing it at that time. Seriously, if you've been reading Go Fug Yourself, you'd know that even the hot and sexy people of the world - especially the ones with amazing bodies - end up wearing crappy clothes in public once in a while.

When random strangers tell you that you're looking good, you smile and say, without any doubt, the best answer you could give in this situation: "Why, thank you!" 

Pump and Lift, Episode 21: These Used To Be My Skinny Day Pants

These are Gap's Curvy Fit pants in size 14 Petite, and they used to fit me perfectly. Sure, there were times when they were a little snug in the belly and thigh area, but I distinctly remember my lower half looking like this in those pants:

But now, after two years of on-and-off wearing, my Skinny Day Pants now look like THIS on me:

Taken in our hotel room at the Marriott Resorts World Manila, right before the big New Year's Eve party.

Pump and Lift, Episode 20: Big Scary Things

A lot of big, scary things happened to me this year, and during the last six months in particular.

I began my year by teaching English to Korean college students, and ended the year (if not the semester) by teaching education theory to Filipino college students.

I finally passed the board exams in my field, and became a licensed professional teacher.

I contracted a horrible mosquito-borne disease that could have killed me if I didn't get treatment when I did.

But there are Big Scary Things... and there are Big, Fun, Scary Things.

I finished a screenplay in three months, and a 50,000-word novel in 30 days.

I finally came face-to-face with all the health risks that were coming my way, and ended up losing 20 pounds. Then I used that significant weight loss as leverage to get better clothes for myself.

Along the way, I made a lot of new friends, got to see a lot of new places, built up my resume, nurtured my soul in so many different ways, and (slowly) learned the value of patience. And laughing at myself, for that matter.

Still and all, even the fun things that happened this year ended up hitting a few raw nerves when I didn't expect them to do so - because they all forced me to ask the question that I never thought I would answer for myself: What would I do if I knew that I wasn't going to fail? 

And with that in mind, I have decided that 2011 is the year for me to face the biggest Big Scary Thing of them all: The Inevitable.

First and foremost of all: How about Those Last Twenty Pounds? Granted, I did regain four pounds over the holidays, but that's four pounds that I can deal with easily once I put my diet back into its regular rotation. After facing down the health risks and dress-size issues, however, the bigger issue that I'll be facing now is the psychological aspect of my weight loss, especially now that I have to start re-editing and re-tailoring my wardrobe until everything fits me perfectly. Honestly, I never really thought that I was using my body - and the clothes I wore with it - as a form of psychological armor, until I saw all of the changes in my character. In a way, I was opening myself up more to family and friends, and taking more initiatives in my relationships and career decisions. You could even say that I'm actually much friendlier and more confident now than I was at Size 16 - and that disposition, in turn, has also started manifesting in my wardrobe, especially now that I'm switching to more formal, form-fitting tops in brighter colors to go with my pants and skirts.

All of those above-mentioned changes, in fact, are beginning to affect the way that I look at my career and my love life, which are two of the biggest commitment-related issues that I'm facing right now.

Take my career. I'm actually quite happy with my job here at the University, to be honest, and I don't really see a reason why I'd want to abandon it at all. And yet, I have decided - after finishing and winning NaNoWriMo - that I will take steps to get my current manuscript to a major publisher before the year is over. That means I have to stop worrying about the things that haven't happened yet, and start accepting The Inevitable that comes with this situation. Maybe I won't have to quit my job at the university after all; maybe there will be a way for me to teach and write at the same time, in a way that is workable for me. Or perhaps I should stop worrying about becoming insanely famous and successful on my first try, and choose instead to be grateful for the fact that I've put myself through the publishing process. (I still have to remind myself that Hugh Laurie, for all his crazy success as an actor and comedian, is also a modestly successful mystery writer.) All that matters is that I'm out there, and I'm making strides.

Speaking of being out there and making strides, I think it's about time that I addressed the dating situation - because, really, I did spend a lot of time this year making excuses to my family and friends about why I haven't exactly found The One. Granted, I live in a small university town with slim pickings as far as my type is concerned, but - again - now that my body's changing, I think it's about time I addressed the part of the battle where I deal with how I attract good people in my life. That includes any and all questions about the image I want to project, including the things that make me feel beautiful and confident and approachable. (Really, messy hair and chalkdust-covered khakis don't exactly scream "confident.") I'll get into the details in a later entry, but the point here is that I have to start making more of an effort to make things happen at this point.

Make no mistake: 2011 is going to be a super-exciting year for all of us, in every possible way, and I hope that - by sharing all of this with you - I've been able to inspire you to strive for the best this year. Happy New Year, everyone!

Pump and Lift, Episode 19.5: More Work in Progress

Molten chocolate cake from Circles at Makati Shangri-La, taken on my birthday. OM NOM NOM NOM.

So, self, how's the diet and exercise going?
- Dang! I knew I forgot to write about something! You know, I -

We know, we know. First you had the dengue, then there was NaNoWriMo, and in between all of that you started teaching again and resumed your long term relationship with your TV. And don't get me started with - 
Can we please not talk about all those "dear Mei we get it" archives? The less I have to think about these things, the better.

Fine, then. So let's get back to diet and exercise. 

I admit it, I'm getting very lazy these days. It doesn't really help that we're in the middle of December and party season's just getting started right about now. Do you think that I should -

Honey, put the eyeliner down and talk to me. 
So here's the rest of the story. It's been two months now, I'm finally down to 151, and my friends can't stop raving about how much weight I've lost and how awesome I look these days. Which is fine and all, but somehow it's given me another reason to start acting all smug about my weight loss. And now that my novel-to-be is finished (which I'm editing the heck out of, by the way, before the next writing challenge comes around), I don't feel that sense of excitement any more... like I'm more depressed than usual, in a weird way, and no amount of work or meditation can get me out of it.

Interesting.
So it manifests in so many different ways. It starts with the extra spoonful of rice, or the plate full of chicken cutlets. Then it balloons and turns into more rice, more carbs, more chocolate, and the next thing you know I'm cranky and overstimulated again.

Girl, you've got ISSUES. 
I know. My priorities are totally not where they're supposed to be right now. Meanwhile I'm worried about my "good cholesterol" because it's not going to be a good day once I find out that it's hereditary and I have to go on meds for that. So now...

Now it's December, and you're trying to get back on the bandwagon. Do you remember that package of exercise videos that Scribey just sent to you? 
Why, yes...



C'mon, it's Cindy. Scribey and I used to work out to these videos back in college - why should I stop there?



Seriously speaking, though, it would be terribly foolish for me to not try this at all. Though I wouldn't worry so much if I end up doing more of a 60-Day Shred, at this pace.


And then there's Tanja Djelevic. I haven't looked at the video Scribey just sent to me (*gulp* sorry, luv!) but once I do, I'll make sure to squeeze this in.

See? Now you've got enough exercise videos to last you through the next few months, and you might not even need shoes for most of them. Your bestie just did you a solid there.
That's true. But there is one last problem...

The boob-wrangling. 
Yes, the boob-wrangling! I now have to wear one of my old bras over my usual 38C so the girls would stay strapped in place! Seriously, though, I'm determined to find a way around this.

And you should, once the post-holiday sales start cropping up. 
Indeed.

But promise me that you'll at least start walking again if you start slacking off. 
Of course I will. There's no way for me to burn off those unplayed eps of This American Life that I missed out on all November.

Pump and Lift, Episode 19: Carbs and Veggies

Above: How to eat a la Gwen Stefani. 


I'm not the kind of person who can afford to get sanctimonious when it comes to diet advice. In fact, I don't even recommend the exact diet that I'm on right now, because I'm also on doctor's orders to watch my risk of arthritis and gout due to hyperuricemia. No red meat, no peanut butter, not even a little bit of whole wheat bread or oatmeal. I wouldn't wish that kind of diet on anyone at all.

What I can recommend, though, is a battle plan that addresses carbohydrates and vegetables.

Let me put it to you this way: I'm not a fan of the low-carb diet. I can't think without carbs. In fact, I can't even start a decent day without a single carbohydrate. Back in college, it was bagels and brown rice; in my working years, I switched to cereal and granola bars. Now, more than ever, carbohydrates have become very important in keeping myself from spacing out in class.

It all boils down to a single concept: Carbohydrate front-loading.


Let's say that you've got a stressful morning ahead of you. You could truly use the energy to forge ahead with the rest of your day, and you can't do that with just sugar and caffeine.

So what do you do? You front-load by eating two to three servings of carbs for breakfast. 


Yes, it sounds crazy, but consider: According to the American Cancer Society, the average 4-inch supermarket bagel constitutes three full servings of carbohydrates. You don't even have to eat it dry to make the most of all that energy - I get around it by spreading only 1 tbsp. of cream cheese and 1 tsp. of strawberry jam, which is half of what a normal serving should be. Then, to make sure that I'm still full, I would follow up that bagel with, say, a handful of papaya cubes (1 cup), or any other high-fiber fruit.

This leads us to our next topic: High fiber fruits and vegetables are your friends. 


I'm not usually a big fan of papaya, but I'm the kind of person who likes to eat mindlessly... and papaya always fits the bill, since my parents already have it on the table every morning. If I'm already carbed out during my regular meals, I will stop and eat whatever form of protein I have on my plate with some salad leaves. That doesn't mean I love my vegetables - there are just some things that I won't eat for no discernible reason - but the vegetables that I do eat, like steamed fresh spinach leaves (lemon juice and no sauce) and grilled eggplant, are always a deliberate choice for me at every meal.

Of course, this leads to the inevitable discussion of salads, and whether or not vegetables are your friends when they're slathered in olive oil. I'm on the fence vis-a-vis olive oil - it's a good fat, but still a fat - but I can say for sure that Mediterranean restaurants no longer have the monopoly on salads; in fact, most ethnic restaurants that I've tried in this country will always have a form of salad at one point or another.  In most Filipino restaurants - or at least the ones here in the Philippines - you can always get mangoes and tomatoes with rock salt and the occasional hard-boiled duck egg. If you're eating Korean food, your bulgogi comes with lettuce leaves to wrap around your meat with a dab of hot sauce and a little rice. And then there's the cuisine of Thailand and Vietnam: summer rolls, banh mi, and even pho come with tons of fresh vegetable accompaniments, so there's barely a single excuse to "pig out" and stay unhealthy.

It's easy for me to talk about vegetables now, seeing as I've naturally switched to eating by season - along with corn soup with moringa leaves (seriously, people: canned corn + chicken broth + leaves from your neighbor's malunggay plant = gold) and fuss-free detoxification through steamed greens. But like I've said, you have to take the risk of trying a new vegetable or fruit once in a while, just to see if it works for you.

(NOTE: I do have another upcoming entry that might end up contradicting all the diet-related Zen meditations that I've expounded on here. It won't be part of Pump and Lift, but it will deal with other body issues related to food and nutrition... and depending on the craziness that comes with the rest of my schedule, that rant essay should be up by Saturday at the latest.) 

Pump and Lift, Episode 18: 38C

Yes, you read that right: We have a new bra size! Ding ding ding ding ding!

And judging by this chart, it looks like I'll be able to buy locally-manufactured undies pretty soon. You see, I've been trying to avoid the lingerie sections at the local department stores because I've always thought that it would be impossible for me to get a non-ugly bra that fits me well. In fact, the only place where I have purchased decent undies in Manila were at Marks and Spencer... and even then, it was still impossible for me to get a nice boob-wrangler that doesn't cost an arm and a leg by Pinoy standards.

Until yesterday.



Granted, I don't have a personal Bra Lady to do fittings for me, but I do have a fair idea of how I'm supposed to be fully supported before I shell out money on these things. (Remember this?) Which is what happened at SM Makati the other day, while trying on the Lilyette Full Support Memory Foam Underwire Bra.

Full support, yes. Foam to keep the nips under control, check. But... 40D and 40C? Really? Needless to say, the girls were not happy.

I knew that I wasn't going to get a 38D if the 40 was already ridiculously huge, so the next best bet was the 38C. And... bingo. Good bra + sale price = happy girls, and a much happier Meimei.

Now, looking at the chart (and seeing that I'm hovering close to an 85C now), I think that I can start moving around the price range a bit. M+S still carries some good deals (there's a good chance that I've seen these at the Alabang store); Wacoal and Triumph are more widely available, and may even be less expensive in case there's a sale going on. Same deal with Hanes and Jockey... and even the local "grandma" brands I've seen have been coming up with decent undies lately.

The biggest shocker of all? 85C is the biggest bra size carried and manufactured by Bench. Never mind if most of their basic bras are of the push-up kind, because I actually don't mind that for myself.

Still and all: Full support *and* no more sweaty underboob! Awesome.

Pump and Lift, Episode 17: I Will Rise Up and Crush You*

...Yes, kids, that's what Sharon Cuneta looks like now. 

I mention Sharon here - and I say this as one who's equally enamored of all the Great Actresses in the Filipino movie industry - because I just found out that she will be hosting the Philippine edition of The Biggest Loser. At first I thought it was a joke - considering that a lot of people have been making fun of her weight lately, and especially since she's supposed to host her own cooking show - but it's a good thing that she herself didn't take it as an insult. 

Which brings us to where I am right now. 

Unlike Sharon Cuneta, I do not have other bloggers making passive-aggressive comments about how "believable" my weight loss really is in real life. Nor do I have actual real-life people making the same kinds of comments as well. Thank goodness for that. 

What is disheartening, however, is the fact that I had actually spent an entire week without doing a single exercise of note... which only meant that I've lost my muscle tone, my mojo, and my hard-won discipline over everything else I've worked on these last few months. 

Sure, I didn't end up going back to my old size, but I really felt like giving up on everything else, because I just felt defeated all around. 

And it took me a while... but there I was the other day, using my newly-purchased 2.5 lb weights to get through a workout and fighting for the burn that I've always missed this whole entire time. And I felt so much better, to the point where I did go back to checking those test papers, all psyched up and ready to unleash some major pwnage on it all. 

It took me a while, but I finally did find my own Sharon Moment. And this time, I'm going to make sure that it all sticks. 

*For the Tagalog-speaking readers out there, it's definitely Babangon Ako't Dudurugin Kita. You're welcome, repapips. 

Pump and Lift, Episode 16: I Wish I Had A Picture For This

Just weighed myself for the first time in so many weeks.

Saw a number that I never thought I'd reach, even during my most active days.

Ladies and gentlemen, your humble blogger now weighs...

Pump and Lift, Episode 15: The Unkindest Cut

(DISCLOSURE: I still hate this song as much as I did when it came out ten years ago. And I still hate 98 Degrees, even though Drew Lachey really won me over on Dancing With The Stars.)

Originally, I was going to post an entry from my SparkBlog, but after reading it I realized that I sounded really, really grumpy on that one, and it would've been better if I'd written it in a more even-tempered manner. Anyway, that's that.

What I really want to discuss here, however, is my decision to cut out red meat from my diet.

It'll be a long time before pork and beef get reintroduced back in the rotation, but right now my body has yet to stabilize itself in terms of processing fat and uric acid. The main thing here is that I don't overindulge in anything other than fruit and veg, which should help me get my blood chemistry under control.

Another thing that's making a long-overdue exit from my diet: butter. The last cake I had was coated in butter icing, and I felt it in my mouth and stomach... like I was going to throw up by the time I got home. That was the last straw for me. Sorry, Goldilocks, but I think I liked you better without frosting.

****

Enough about my diet - let's talk about the rest of the plan.

Upgrading my exercise routine has been the best thing that happened to me - not just with strength training, but also with my stress management. Not that I'm the very example of "calm and collected" at my job right now, but using weights and keeping up with my workouts gives me the chance to burn off a lot of frustration.

Come to think of it, that's a LOT of frustration that I need to burn off right now, too. Every single doctor I've consulted in the last year or so have told me that exercise is the best way to get a handle on my health problems: it's cheaper than therapy and less scary than prescription drugs. If I didn't do this, I would be looking at a litany of missed opportunities and bitter regret that no doctor can cure, and could only make matters worse health-wise.

(A piece of advice from my college days, which I believe I picked up from Scribey: If you feel like you can't get through your current workout, imagine yourself stomping on all the annoying people in your path with every move. Frenemies: trip 'em with a roundhouse kick! Ex-boyfriends: pick up a hand weight and push 'em away! Works every time.)

Another part of the plan now is to work on my communications skills. I've started consulting other professors to help me grade and teach my classes more effectively. I'm working on accepting my friends for being the good-hearted people they are, instead of potential saboteurs. (Ironic, though, because I still need to trust my gut whenever I come across someone who doesn't make me feel comfortable - which explains why I've un-friended so many people on Facebook.)  And, of course, I've started writing a journal again, for no other good reason than to keep track of myself and stay sane in the midst of all this chaos.

There's more weight to lose at this point, even if I am feeling good and confident enough to have my pants taken in. We've only just begun.

Pump and Lift, Episode 14: At Last, Another Video Review

I really wanted to hate The Firm. Really.

I blame the DVD you see on the left for my angst about The Firm. Yes, it's only one DVD - and the only one that we have in the Hacienda - but I honestly chose the wrong workout, and I ended up with knee pain and a list of complaints.

Too-fast pacing? Check. Annoyingly bland set? Check. (It's not for nothing that the Collage Video catalog always comments on videos with "The Firm-style" sets and workouts.) Inaccurate representation of difficult, higher-impact workouts as "easy"? Definite check.

Unrealistic-looking worker-outer extras in the video? Che-... wait a minute, nobody told me that the other girls in this video were actual Firm instructors themselves! All righty, then. If there's any comfort, though, I think I prefer the leggings-and-shorts aesthetic in The Firm to Kathy Smith's tiny workout leotards, which always distract me.

(Shallow note: As much as I enjoy Kathy Smith, I can't help but wonder if she and Madonna are neck-and-neck in the race to become the most intimidatingly fit cougar of all time.)

That said: This last month, I started noticing that I was losing muscle tone all over. My butt had deflated. My bra cups were not filling up the way they used to. I felt like a skinny person with fatty skin hanging over my bones.

It was about time, I thought, that I shook up my regular workout - but typhoon season had just set in, which meant that power-walking (and, therefore, my opportunity to work on my running) was not in the cards. I needed something that slayed two birds with one deathly efficient stone - something that gave me the stress-busting benefits of cardio with the "damn, that burns" efficiency of strength training.

Long story short, I dug up The Firm again, and found something that caught my attention: The Firm - Cardio Sculpt Fusion.



And I was hooked. 

The things I didn't like about the other Firm workouts were still there, but unlike the other workout I tried, the Cardio Sculpt one was much more fluid, which meant that I was more likely to catch up on the pacing with every workout. There was still a bit of knee pain, too, but it came and went and was more like a tiny pinch than a full hurt. It also helped that I only used weights on the exercises that needed more of a challenge from me, though that's more of my modification than their recommendation.

Does it work? Well, I've only done the workout twice, but I noticed that my butt is significantly less pancake-like, and my chest is showing signs of pectoral muscle development. Plus, my abs always feel the effects right away... and I'm the type of person who thinks that no prescribed core exercise will ever be able to help my floppy ab muscles (not even crunches, which are way too easy for me), so this is saying a lot.

I'm not going to hold The Firm at their word that I'll see results in 10 workouts, because I don't need that guarantee from them. The point is that I'm getting hooked on the burn, and having fun in the process - and that, dear friends, is a sure-fire recipe for Awesome.

Pump and Lift, Episode 13: Lower Body Exercise-a-Palooza!

WARNING: The author of this blog entry is NOT a professional fitness trainer, and therefore cannot guarantee any results - good OR bad - from the exercises shown here. We highly recommend that you consult with a real professional to develop the exercise program that's right for you. Mahalo!

In exercise terms, this is a basic squat:



And this is the squat's dance-y cousin, the basic plie:



(Take it from me: You don't have to do this position exactly as shown in the video above! Just putting your heels on the floor is fine - and much easier on the rest of your body, if you ask me.)

As a former ballet student, I am quite particular about the distinctions between the two. The plie shown above is based on the second position, which - I think - is especially important for engaging as many leg muscles as possible, which means that this is the position of choice for executing jumps and lifts. In fact, I've seen the second position used as a starting point for powerful moves in jazz and hip-hop.

Squats, on the other hand, are more of a unisex power move; in fact, squats are always paired with barbells in gyms as a means of developing leg muscles. While it does look a tad less graceful than the plie, you can still use squats as a basis for jumps and other moves - this, for example, is what I'm practicing right now as part of my program - and it will definitely do the rest of the job just fine.

In any case - regardless of which moves you execute - remember these tips to injury-proof your reps:

• Always keep your upper body lifted and your abs engaged. Do not stick your butt out too far; not only will it ruin the line, but you might also risk injuring your lower back as well.
• Try to imagine that you're sitting in a chair while doing these exercises; this not only keeps your butt in line, but it also prevents your torso from going past your knees, which also creates the risk of injury.
• As much as possible, make sure to keep your weight distributed evenly throughout your feet. 
• Finally: Use as much control as possible to execute these moves, and proceed at your own pace. Do not, under any circumstance, rely on momentum alone!

And, as a bonus, a few more videos to see these exercises in action...

Hey, it's Coach Nicole from SparkPeople! (And you don't even have to be an SP member to access these videos, since they already have a YouTube video channel of their own. And you can also get full compilations of them - complete with better music and editing - on DVD.) 



And speaking of DVDs... Collage Video's preview of the New York City Ballet Workout, Volumes 1 and 2. (Also available from Amazon.com.)

Pump and Lift, Episode 12: Fit Me Now

We interrupt this ongoing series of blog entries to bring you this picture...

OMG, it's the jacket that I used to wear in high school! And I even had this puppy custom-made for me!

And the most shocking part of it all: IT FITS!!!!!!

Okay, so it doesn't really fit me perfectly; it still doesn't stay closed when I button it up, and I think that the shoulders have gotten droopier. It's nothing that a good tailor can't fix (hopefully) because it's got that nice tuxedo-esque shawl collar action going for it, and I actually like the length.

(I was thinking about doing some plastic surgery on it by turning it into a bolero, a la New Dress a Day, but I just love this whole thing way too much!)

Until then, it's back to cardio, strength-training, and abs for this filly.

Speaking of cardio, strength training, and abs, I'm planning an exercise-a-palooza on Episode 13 - crunches, push-ups, squats, you name it! Complete with linkage and YouTube videos, too! Stay tuned!

Pump and Lift, Episode 11: Trimming the Fat, with HTML and JavaScript

This isn't exactly a weight-loss entry per se, but after looking at some of the trackers and analytics for this blog, I found out that the Pump and Lift series has become quite popular lately; in fact, the P and L entries have been known to attract more readers to this blog since they first started. I wish I knew why - I'm not exactly an authority on these things, mind you - but I think it has to do with the inspirational aspect of it all, watching me ride through the ups and downs of this magical journey. (Or, as those semi-annoying folks from The Biggest Loser: Australia would say, the magical jeeuhhh-neeay.)  I still have about 30 pounds more to go, and yet I still wouldn't be here if it weren't for the love and support that I've been getting from the friends who read this blog. Once again, y'all rock.

Anyway, I can't believe that I've let so much time pass before I mentioned the new look of this page! It all started when I stumbled upon Blogger's Template Designer - by mistake, I swear - and after experimenting with different skins and banners, I eventually came up with... this. So clean! So crisp! So classic! What could possibly be more fasyon than that?

After going through the redesign, however, I've decided to look around the rest of the blog to trim out more of the fat that's keeping this site down, figuratively. Dead links and sites I don't read anymore? Gone, replaced by new links. Unclicked buttons? Deleted, replaced, and updated with more relevant ones.

Then there are the practices that I need to retire, too: not taking enough advantage of the promotional and advertising opportunities (thus the Nuffnang contests and Amazon Associates links), inserting pictures from Google Images without appropriate permission (thus the screencaps... and the inexplicable reason why Kim Kardashian is the #1 keyword search on this blog, even though I've only written about her once), and - no surprise here - taking too much time off between entries, which I am definitely working on at this point. At least I'm also making headway on the backlog of entries that I'm supposed to share with you, which I'm now taking out of the storage area and inserting into the "drafts" section instead to spur me into writing them.

Mind you, I'm not changing much - yet (I'm still on the fence about Twitter) - but change is constant and inevitable at this point. Welcome to the here and now.

Pump and Lift, Episode 10: Guess How Many Pounds I Just Lost?

Yeah, you heard me. I just lost 10 pounds. TEN POUNDS.

But contrary to what I've written earlier, I'm not celebrating with the mani-pedi that I promised myself. I am, however, celebrating with something that's more decadent than a pre-pedicure champagne foot soak:

Permission.

That's right, I'm finally giving myself permission to be in the moment. This was the week when I could've stress-eaten my way a la Kyra Sedgwick in The Closer (that pilot episode alone is like Sex and the City for snack-food junkies) but ended up drowning my sorrows in crackers and decaf - so of course I'm ending the week on an edgy note.

But today...

Okay, so this morning wasn't exactly the best place to start, what with the various computer drama and the eye-gouging review of constitutional law (did I tell you that I'm teaching a fun class?) but halfway through it all I just decided that I was going to let it all go and move on to the next activity on the slate. In my case, it's catching up on my blogging, revising my food journals, and getting my eyebrows back into shape.

The problem with being a workaholic in a crazy job is that the stress tricks the mind into thinking that "me time" does not exist. This may have been true during my twenties, when I was hungry and eager to prove myself... but now, after all the health scares I've put myself through, I have to remind myself time and time again to give myself permission for things that I would otherwise talk myself out of doing. Things like walking my dogs, watching TV and sorting out my work space at home.

(That last one is very important. Without a good work space, I can't write. Period.)

So here I am, getting my mind back into the writing mindset so I can get on with the rest of my day. The future will take care of itself.

Pump and Lift, Episode 9: Trapped in the Closet

No, I'm not talking about R. Kelly or "switching teams" here. I'm talking about an actual incident that involved an actual closet.

Twenty years ago, I went through an epic humiliation involving my sixth grade crush and a bunch of guy classmates around us... which led to me saying more than I was supposed to, and my crush being absolutely disgusted with me. (I don't want to go into the details, except to say that part of this could have been avoided if I'd decided to just leave certain things unsaid. Goes both ways, I say.) There were scads of personal drama going on with me at that time, too, and it got to the point where I wanted to run off and hide where nobody could find me.

So I did what a 6th grader undergoing an epic humiliation would do: I hid in a closet.

The space was perfect - a cabinet with shelves large enough for me to fit in, and a sliding door that only I could close and open at will. The plan, in itself, was perfect too: I was going to hide there until class ends, which means I could hide from the assembly that was going on that day and never have to look at anyone ever again. Then I could go home and pretend that nothing happened... although, now that I think of it, killing myself would have been the next logical step.

And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for a teacher who looked inside my classroom and found me peeking out of the sliding door.

I don't remember what she said to me, exactly, but I do remember her saying it in a crisp British accent. And not in the way that most teachers would speak to somebody my age - Come on! You have to go to the assembly! Quick! NOW! - but in an oddly compassionate manner that made sense. And this was the gist of it all:

"You know, there are other things going on right now that are better than hiding in a closet." 

That jolted me out of my sad-sack phase altogether... and just like that, I walked out of that closet and joined that assembly. 

******

I still think about those words now, actually. (The crush-y guy, not so much... although I hear he is doing quite well. Good for him, I say.) There are so many things that are much more fun than shutting one's self out of the world. I talk about how much work I have to do at my job... but I don't have an obligation to be there all day, all the time, so I can't use work as an excuse to avoid working out or any other form of "me" time. And I also can't use the craziness of my job to avoid having an actual social life outside of work, either. Sooner or later I do have to open up to the possibilities and get myself a life.

The other thing I learned from this incident is that every person who undertakes an epic journey can always use a supportive group of friends and family. That's what made the situation worse for me: I was just so fixated on this guy that I didn't realize that there were other people who could actually give me their unconditional love and support - not just guys, but actual friends. And part of the process of making friends involves getting over myself and reaching out to other people. Which I didn't, because I was so insecure with myself that I didn't get to do things like joining a choir or a sports team, or even developing a hobby other than writing. Instead, I let this pattern rule my life - the whole "you know, my life would be much more awesome if I had a boyfriend and people liked me" mindset - and it has brought me nothing but grief.

Until I got over it, and chose to rise above my own helplessness.

It's a choice that I still have to make, day in and day out, to rise above the negative and reach out towards the light. That's what I mean now about mending fences that need to be mended: making peace with the past, towards building a new future.

I hope I'm doing a good job.

The Makeover Project, Episode 8: Happy Saturdays

We've dealt with the physical on this blog; now we go into the meta-physical.

Today I was struck by the realization that I'm actually happy right now. I have great friends, a loving family, a stable home life, a stable spiritual life... and a job that - as stressful and time-consuming as it is - has not made me cranky in the way that other jobs usually do for me. AND I'm losing weight, too, so my diet is finally sorting itself out.The only way that I could get even more happier than this is to attract more happiness in my life. Here are the little things that have contributed to my cheerful state of mind:

- New shoes. I got these gray shoes at the Skechers store; they're designed for people who have to be on their feet for work (like I do) so they totally pass my comfort test. The great thing about these shoes is that they're sneaker-like without being actual sneakers, which is just perfect for avoiding dress-code issues at my workplace. As for the gray color... well, considering that most of my dress/work pants are either black or gray, it's not completely out of place in my wardrobe at all.

- "Old" books. I mean this in a figurative sense, since there's a research aspect to my job and I have to scrounge through books on philosophy, psychology, education law, *and* history to give my lessons a little perspective. Yes, all this reading poses a risk of me turning into a workaholic with a Claritin habit, but that's part of what makes my job so satisfying - both for myself and my students. Now, if only I had a magic spell to teach my students how to take good notes...

- The strange (but true) relationship between my dog and my cat. Okay, so Tyler Durden really isn't my cat; I don't take him to the vet as often as I do with our mutts Williams and Sonoma. (Names have been changed to protect the Hacienda.) But for some reason, Williams - the older, bigger of the two - has bonded with Tyler in a weirdly wonderful way. Both of them are roughly the same age, so they were able to learn the dynamics of dog/cat play-fighting while they were still young. In recent months, however, Williams and Tyler have scaled back on the Fight Club aspect of their relationship in favor of something close to synergy. There are days when Williams isn't too keen on whatever kibble he has in the bowl, for example, so he lets Tyler come over and snack on a bit of kibble, too. It's pretty obvious that Williams and Tyler have practically adopted each other, even though Williams and his brother continue to be clueless when it comes to other cats.

- Mini-reunions on Facebook. It always starts with an innocuous post - somebody posts old pictures, or a song that reminds us of the old days - and suddenly everyone comes out of the woodwork after 20 years to say hello. I've found a lot of "renewed" friendships this way; it has taught me to mend fences where they truly need to be mended. Then there's the shared cheese factor of seeing so many bad outfits and worse hairstyles (see: yours truly as a first grader, at left), which are more than worth their weight in gold.

- Naps and massages. For obvious reasons.

The Makeover Project, Episode 7: Six Pounds

That's the total amount of weight that I've lost this month. Judging by the way my tight T-shirts have started feeling loose again, it looks like I'm slated to lose even more.

The way I did it looks so simple: rationing out the carb portions, eating more vegetables, drinking more water, cutting down on the sweet stuff. The truth of the matter, however, is much more complicated than that.

It's no joke to go from relatively laid-back slacker to college lecturer in one week; the transition to lecturer is already crazy enough as it is without the surrounding drama of my life (i.e. respiratory infections, stolen wallets, etc.). Right now I've been scrambling to make sure that my students are covering all of the important philosophies before I assign their first quiz and their first paper, which means that I'm up to my elbows in reading old books and looking up terminology online. With craziness like this, it's no wonder that aerobics is the furthest thing from my mind right now.

What does feel good, however, is leaving the house once in a while and taking in some fresh air.

It's been hard to enjoy the outdoors because of the rainy season over here, but today I was able to enjoy a brief, overcast walk around the yard with the dogs. I miss smelling the fresh air, the temptation to run... really, any kind of breathing in general. Maybe this week will be the week when I will be re-introducing exercise into the equation - don't know how I'll do it, but I know I will.