Today's Dispatch: Party on the North Side, Y'all

This post was brought to you by the University of the Philippines in Diliman, Quezon City, where I may (will?) be spending the rest of the year now that I have received the go-ahead to start my PhD course work at the College of Education.

The Oblation says "Heeeeeeyyyy!"
Photo source: manila-photos.blogspot.com

Yep, it's been a crazy day at Hacienda de Meimei right now, ever since I received my acceptance letter from the big ol' State University campus up in the QC. On the one hand, I am on par-tay mode (or as close to it as possible, considering that I still have one final exam to give before the weekend), because I could not be happier. 

On the other hand, there will be... changes. 

At this point in time, a full-time move to QC may be inevitable, especially since I will not be teaching next semester and there's no way I would want to commute several times a week to and from the Hacienda. (At the very least, I just want to do a one-and-done deal where I can go home and do laundry on the weekends.) But I'm also scared - for good reason - because this means I have to be at the top of my game, all the time. That will require a lot of changes of routines, of scheduling, of... everything else, come to think of it.  And I'm scared that a lot of things that have kept me sane all this time - especially my writing - will end up falling by the wayside. 

I try to be optimistic, though. I have friends up in the North who I'd love to meet up with again. I may have the rest of Metro Manila to explore on my own, possibly with a little courage. And who knows? I may end up loving it after all. 

Until then, I'm looking forward to what the rest of this moment will bring for me. 

Are you, or have you ever been, in the middle of a major transition similar to this one? Do you have any words of advice to share for a girl in the middle of a crazy career change? Share the love by following @stella_meimei on Twitter, or leave a comment below!

Today's Dispatch: Writing and Attribution

This post is brought to you by Jessica Zafra and her ongoing coverage of Gaz Holgate in the Philippines.

Screen capture: mine; original photo source, JZ and Team Gaz.

You want Gaz, I'll give you Gaz:

Screen capture: mine; original photo source: JZ and Team Gaz. 

All pictures screen-capped from this entry on Jessica Rules The Universe.

- I mention Jessica Zafra here because we just had the most interesting discussion about the attribution of sources on her blog. This hits close to home for me, both as a teacher and writer, because I take attribution seriously; in my opinion, without the proper citation of a source, you are basically stealing somebody else's words and passing them off as your own. It doesn't matter if you're sharing a puff piece, a legal document, or an academic paper; all of your sources must be cited. I've learned this the hard way as a graduate student, and it pains me to see anyone cutting and pasting words without even thinking about the consequences, especially young people.

(As it goes, I am currently looking at all of my kids' term papers, and you won't believe how many of them I've flagged for not citing sources properly.)

- Since I'm on a roll, I might as well go ahead and mention that even fiction writers have to cite their sources too. My favorite attribution comes from David Mitchell in Cloud Atlas (one of my favorite books right now) who wrote in the credits that one of his characters "quotes Nietzsche more freely than he admits." In my case, I recently took out the lyrics to "Give A Little Bit" from one of my manuscripts after realizing that they had taken over an entire scene. (Which is funny, because I also left in a few lines of "Like a Virgin" because it's supposedly sung off-key at a karaoke bar.) My philosophy is that leaving quotes wholesale in a manuscript have the tendency to take a reader away from the action itself, much in the same way that an annoying pop song in a movie can take you away from an otherwise good scene.

- And because I must post about makeup: Swatches from the Bobbi Brown 1991 Lip Palette on Makeup and Beauty Blog. Want.

Today's Dispatch: Breathe and Stop

This post is brought to you by Q-Tip.



- The crazy rainy weather this time of the year has prompted me to take my workouts indoors and start doing yoga once again. I have to admit that I don't seem to burn as much with yoga as I do when I go running, but ever since I've started doing it regularly I feel like my mind is clearer and my posture isn't as tight as it used to be. Not to mention that I've been seeing a little muscle definition here and there, too, which is nice after having to live with a lot of flab for months.

- On the other hand, I've been quite edgy lately because this week is the last week of instruction, and I'm supposed to find out when my finals are any day now. It's nerve-wracking, because I've been calling the office almost every day to find out if the schedule has been released and I'm still not getting any answers on the exact date and time for them. The only thing crazier than this is the fact that I've got another week to wait for some good news coming from Manila, regarding a major career change (and possible move) that I'll have to keep under wraps until it is confirmed for sure. Either way, I'm just dying to get some time off after this crazy semester!

- In terms of my writing: After three straight months of working on Nominated, I've decided to put it on hiatus in favor of revising last year's NaNoWriMo novel, World on a Plate. (You may remember this as the novel I wrote in my attempt to work out my feelings towards the Smug Canadian Bastard, only to find out halfway through that The Hotness was not tall enough to play him in the film adaptation.) My decision to revise Plate has a lot to do with the fact that this novel, to me, would be easier to market for publication than Nominated, since it's a book written by a Filipino about the Philippines... but with a little humor, and a lot to do with food, travel, and relationships.

- In shallow showbiz news, I've gotten quite hung up over this blind item about someone on a social-media site who's about to change her handle. I don't know about you, but the social-media site in this story is soooooo obviously Twitter.

- And if you haven't seen my current writing-inspiration board on Pinterest yet, here it is. (And I'm also working on more boards for style inspiration, too!)

Got any style tips, advice, and possible blind item material? Show us some blog love by following @stella_meimei on Twitter, or leave a comment below! 

Today's Dispatch: 9/11/01

Those of you who read my blog know that I don't like to share my personal stuff over the Internet. A lot of it has to do with concerns over my family and my career, of which I have every good reason to keep in confidentiality.

Today, however, I want to talk about the person that I used to be ten years ago.

Ten years ago, I woke up to a frantic phone call from a friend about the planes that crashed into the twin towers of the World Trade Center. At that time I did not want to believe him - he was one of those people who, quite frankly, was easily scared - but I went into a state of shock as soon as I turned on the television.

Today's Dispatch: A Conclusion in Sight

This post is brought to you by the good folks in charge of wrangling the hair, makeup, and wardrobe duties for Rihanna.



- This week will (hopefully) mark the end of the Long Rough Patch that I've faced in the last few weeks... and when I say rough, I mean rough: pressure at work, graduate school, and my mom getting sick and landing in the hospital for a few days due to dehydration and exhaustion. (No worries - she's actually doing OK now; just needed the rest.) The good news, however, is that I have a four-day weekend ahead of me before I head out to that big campus in Quezon City first thing Wednesday morning, to take my admissions test for the PhD program, so I'll be up to my ears with studying and keeping in touch with my students. Wish me luck.

- Okay, back to our usual blog content... and I hate to say this out loud, but did Barbra Streisand get a little "work" done on her face? Seriously, take a look at the cover art for her new album and tell me that there's something un-Barbra-ish about that face right now. I personally want to believe that it's a bad camera angle and/or a furious photo retoucher, but as long as nobody touches that profile - and that nose - it shouldn't be so bad after all. (And also on my wish list: an all-Streisand episode of Glee. You know you were thinking it!)

- Current favorite "thing" of the moment: bubble milk tea, which I have been craving since Nathan Fillion mentioned it in one of his tweets. (Just try to imagine him saying the words "boba tea" out loud, if you can.) Right now it's having a foodie renaissance of sorts here in the Philippines... which is weird, since I've been drinking the stuff for the last decade or so. Haven't tried the trendier versions of bubble tea in Manila, but I've been getting mine at the local Zagu outlet: not exactly made with real tea, mind, but their tapioca pearls strike the right balance between smooth and chewy - just the way I like it.

- And yes, there is a Glosswatch entry in the works! Stay tuned.

Meet The New Domesticity

So: No blog entries for the longest time.

Reason being that I was having a bit of a crisis about what to do with Domesticity, now that I'm on the verge of getting other things done with work and family and my own writing projects and (possibly) graduate school. To be honest, it has been driving me crazy, too, because I see other Filipino bloggers getting more readers for the same things that I do, and it makes me wonder if I'm doing anything wrong by keeping up this blog as it is.

Let's be honest: Without direct access to the primary content for this blog - in this case, makeup and fashion - there really is nothing much left for me to write, especially now that I'm too tired to look up and scan pictures. And even I get sick and tired of writing about hot guys, too.

(Yes, guys on The List, I am fully aware that a few of you have gotten even more boink-worthy as of late... but sometimes a girl just needs to spend her quality time at Net-a-Porter, you know? Unless you really are that interested in buying those Miu Miu shoes for me.)

So what's left for a girl in her mid-30s to do with a blog like this?

Going Blind

...Sorry, guys, but this one isn't about J. Lo. 

Up until recently, I have considered myself to be a mild gossip addict.

Sure, I've weaned myself away from the straight-up smutty items in favor of the less confrontational (and relatively more thoughtful) likes of Lainey and Crazy Days and Nights, and I still could not resist the pull of the Pinoy-centric blind items on Professional Heckler. Yet I was able to manage all that and still go to bed early.

But then... things happened.

This Year's Hair Solution

I was about to start this entry with a rant-y little screed about how I'm resolving to make changes for my own good and how my decisions are my own responsibility, blah blah society expectations can bite me and whatnot... but that would be way too depressing, and not exactly what I need to explore here in this very blog during the first few weeks of 2011.

Then I thought: Well, this is the year for me to start dealing with the hair situation once again. And this time, I have a visual of the kind of change I really want to see for my hair this year.

Et voila... 

Pump and Lift, Episode 20: Big Scary Things

A lot of big, scary things happened to me this year, and during the last six months in particular.

I began my year by teaching English to Korean college students, and ended the year (if not the semester) by teaching education theory to Filipino college students.

I finally passed the board exams in my field, and became a licensed professional teacher.

I contracted a horrible mosquito-borne disease that could have killed me if I didn't get treatment when I did.

But there are Big Scary Things... and there are Big, Fun, Scary Things.

I finished a screenplay in three months, and a 50,000-word novel in 30 days.

I finally came face-to-face with all the health risks that were coming my way, and ended up losing 20 pounds. Then I used that significant weight loss as leverage to get better clothes for myself.

Along the way, I made a lot of new friends, got to see a lot of new places, built up my resume, nurtured my soul in so many different ways, and (slowly) learned the value of patience. And laughing at myself, for that matter.

Still and all, even the fun things that happened this year ended up hitting a few raw nerves when I didn't expect them to do so - because they all forced me to ask the question that I never thought I would answer for myself: What would I do if I knew that I wasn't going to fail? 

And with that in mind, I have decided that 2011 is the year for me to face the biggest Big Scary Thing of them all: The Inevitable.

First and foremost of all: How about Those Last Twenty Pounds? Granted, I did regain four pounds over the holidays, but that's four pounds that I can deal with easily once I put my diet back into its regular rotation. After facing down the health risks and dress-size issues, however, the bigger issue that I'll be facing now is the psychological aspect of my weight loss, especially now that I have to start re-editing and re-tailoring my wardrobe until everything fits me perfectly. Honestly, I never really thought that I was using my body - and the clothes I wore with it - as a form of psychological armor, until I saw all of the changes in my character. In a way, I was opening myself up more to family and friends, and taking more initiatives in my relationships and career decisions. You could even say that I'm actually much friendlier and more confident now than I was at Size 16 - and that disposition, in turn, has also started manifesting in my wardrobe, especially now that I'm switching to more formal, form-fitting tops in brighter colors to go with my pants and skirts.

All of those above-mentioned changes, in fact, are beginning to affect the way that I look at my career and my love life, which are two of the biggest commitment-related issues that I'm facing right now.

Take my career. I'm actually quite happy with my job here at the University, to be honest, and I don't really see a reason why I'd want to abandon it at all. And yet, I have decided - after finishing and winning NaNoWriMo - that I will take steps to get my current manuscript to a major publisher before the year is over. That means I have to stop worrying about the things that haven't happened yet, and start accepting The Inevitable that comes with this situation. Maybe I won't have to quit my job at the university after all; maybe there will be a way for me to teach and write at the same time, in a way that is workable for me. Or perhaps I should stop worrying about becoming insanely famous and successful on my first try, and choose instead to be grateful for the fact that I've put myself through the publishing process. (I still have to remind myself that Hugh Laurie, for all his crazy success as an actor and comedian, is also a modestly successful mystery writer.) All that matters is that I'm out there, and I'm making strides.

Speaking of being out there and making strides, I think it's about time that I addressed the dating situation - because, really, I did spend a lot of time this year making excuses to my family and friends about why I haven't exactly found The One. Granted, I live in a small university town with slim pickings as far as my type is concerned, but - again - now that my body's changing, I think it's about time I addressed the part of the battle where I deal with how I attract good people in my life. That includes any and all questions about the image I want to project, including the things that make me feel beautiful and confident and approachable. (Really, messy hair and chalkdust-covered khakis don't exactly scream "confident.") I'll get into the details in a later entry, but the point here is that I have to start making more of an effort to make things happen at this point.

Make no mistake: 2011 is going to be a super-exciting year for all of us, in every possible way, and I hope that - by sharing all of this with you - I've been able to inspire you to strive for the best this year. Happy New Year, everyone!

Pump and Lift, Episode 19.5: More Work in Progress

Molten chocolate cake from Circles at Makati Shangri-La, taken on my birthday. OM NOM NOM NOM.

So, self, how's the diet and exercise going?
- Dang! I knew I forgot to write about something! You know, I -

We know, we know. First you had the dengue, then there was NaNoWriMo, and in between all of that you started teaching again and resumed your long term relationship with your TV. And don't get me started with - 
Can we please not talk about all those "dear Mei we get it" archives? The less I have to think about these things, the better.

Fine, then. So let's get back to diet and exercise. 

I admit it, I'm getting very lazy these days. It doesn't really help that we're in the middle of December and party season's just getting started right about now. Do you think that I should -

Honey, put the eyeliner down and talk to me. 
So here's the rest of the story. It's been two months now, I'm finally down to 151, and my friends can't stop raving about how much weight I've lost and how awesome I look these days. Which is fine and all, but somehow it's given me another reason to start acting all smug about my weight loss. And now that my novel-to-be is finished (which I'm editing the heck out of, by the way, before the next writing challenge comes around), I don't feel that sense of excitement any more... like I'm more depressed than usual, in a weird way, and no amount of work or meditation can get me out of it.

Interesting.
So it manifests in so many different ways. It starts with the extra spoonful of rice, or the plate full of chicken cutlets. Then it balloons and turns into more rice, more carbs, more chocolate, and the next thing you know I'm cranky and overstimulated again.

Girl, you've got ISSUES. 
I know. My priorities are totally not where they're supposed to be right now. Meanwhile I'm worried about my "good cholesterol" because it's not going to be a good day once I find out that it's hereditary and I have to go on meds for that. So now...

Now it's December, and you're trying to get back on the bandwagon. Do you remember that package of exercise videos that Scribey just sent to you? 
Why, yes...



C'mon, it's Cindy. Scribey and I used to work out to these videos back in college - why should I stop there?



Seriously speaking, though, it would be terribly foolish for me to not try this at all. Though I wouldn't worry so much if I end up doing more of a 60-Day Shred, at this pace.


And then there's Tanja Djelevic. I haven't looked at the video Scribey just sent to me (*gulp* sorry, luv!) but once I do, I'll make sure to squeeze this in.

See? Now you've got enough exercise videos to last you through the next few months, and you might not even need shoes for most of them. Your bestie just did you a solid there.
That's true. But there is one last problem...

The boob-wrangling. 
Yes, the boob-wrangling! I now have to wear one of my old bras over my usual 38C so the girls would stay strapped in place! Seriously, though, I'm determined to find a way around this.

And you should, once the post-holiday sales start cropping up. 
Indeed.

But promise me that you'll at least start walking again if you start slacking off. 
Of course I will. There's no way for me to burn off those unplayed eps of This American Life that I missed out on all November.

Meimei's Day Off

I was supposed to have class on Tuesday morning, but a power outage forced me to dismiss my students early. It was a blessing in disguise - yay, more time to work out and plow through my This American Life backlog - and it also gave me a chance to manage my network of students on Facebook.

Then I realized that today was my free day.

And then I found out that Aunt Flo had arrived... with matching cramps that turned my post-workout burn into searing pain.

This made me rethink what I had just written on Karen's blog the other day...

3. If you could take today off and do whatever you wanted to, what would you do? Work out, then catch up on podcasts and cook dinner.

Two out of three isn't bad. But I wanted more.

As of this writing, I'm trying to finish Outliers, but I'm reading the chapters that involve academia, and OMG I need to bring this stuff to work and all that. I also have a headache and cramps, which I have resolved to deal with by meditating as soon as I log off.

Until then, here's one of my favorite videos from Michelle Phan:

Pump and Lift, Episode 9: Trapped in the Closet

No, I'm not talking about R. Kelly or "switching teams" here. I'm talking about an actual incident that involved an actual closet.

Twenty years ago, I went through an epic humiliation involving my sixth grade crush and a bunch of guy classmates around us... which led to me saying more than I was supposed to, and my crush being absolutely disgusted with me. (I don't want to go into the details, except to say that part of this could have been avoided if I'd decided to just leave certain things unsaid. Goes both ways, I say.) There were scads of personal drama going on with me at that time, too, and it got to the point where I wanted to run off and hide where nobody could find me.

So I did what a 6th grader undergoing an epic humiliation would do: I hid in a closet.

The space was perfect - a cabinet with shelves large enough for me to fit in, and a sliding door that only I could close and open at will. The plan, in itself, was perfect too: I was going to hide there until class ends, which means I could hide from the assembly that was going on that day and never have to look at anyone ever again. Then I could go home and pretend that nothing happened... although, now that I think of it, killing myself would have been the next logical step.

And I would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for a teacher who looked inside my classroom and found me peeking out of the sliding door.

I don't remember what she said to me, exactly, but I do remember her saying it in a crisp British accent. And not in the way that most teachers would speak to somebody my age - Come on! You have to go to the assembly! Quick! NOW! - but in an oddly compassionate manner that made sense. And this was the gist of it all:

"You know, there are other things going on right now that are better than hiding in a closet." 

That jolted me out of my sad-sack phase altogether... and just like that, I walked out of that closet and joined that assembly. 

******

I still think about those words now, actually. (The crush-y guy, not so much... although I hear he is doing quite well. Good for him, I say.) There are so many things that are much more fun than shutting one's self out of the world. I talk about how much work I have to do at my job... but I don't have an obligation to be there all day, all the time, so I can't use work as an excuse to avoid working out or any other form of "me" time. And I also can't use the craziness of my job to avoid having an actual social life outside of work, either. Sooner or later I do have to open up to the possibilities and get myself a life.

The other thing I learned from this incident is that every person who undertakes an epic journey can always use a supportive group of friends and family. That's what made the situation worse for me: I was just so fixated on this guy that I didn't realize that there were other people who could actually give me their unconditional love and support - not just guys, but actual friends. And part of the process of making friends involves getting over myself and reaching out to other people. Which I didn't, because I was so insecure with myself that I didn't get to do things like joining a choir or a sports team, or even developing a hobby other than writing. Instead, I let this pattern rule my life - the whole "you know, my life would be much more awesome if I had a boyfriend and people liked me" mindset - and it has brought me nothing but grief.

Until I got over it, and chose to rise above my own helplessness.

It's a choice that I still have to make, day in and day out, to rise above the negative and reach out towards the light. That's what I mean now about mending fences that need to be mended: making peace with the past, towards building a new future.

I hope I'm doing a good job.

The Makeover Project, Episode 6: What Do You Say to Taking Chances?

So: Where do you go after you've followed up the worst day of your life with a weekend full of love, laughter, and lots of new friends?

What do you think would happen if I'd taken off for a weekend, dog-tired and disappointed (let's just say that bureaucratic red tape + purse thieves = hell) - and deliberately leaving my cell phone, my diet journal, and all my expectations behind?



Mind you, my food was rationed, too, even if it was all delicious and diet-wrecking. That was nothing compared to breaking out of my shell and getting to know people better. That was nothing compared to people pulling me into group pictures every five minutes.

It was like my birthday all over again, but with more people.

(SPOILER ALERT: More revelations and epiphanies, right after the jump.)

What's Your Fantasy: Guy Who Looks Like My Ex Edition

We interrupt the ongoing Makeover Project with a steaming hot dose of  testosterone.

(Photo credit for screen grab: USA Network.)

Unfortunately, said dose of testosterone bears a slight resemblance to a guy I once dated in college... and not even one I want to remember fondly, since it took me a whole year to realize that He Just Wasn't That Into Me. Yowch.

Anyway... can we talk about Frederick Weller here? We've been getting reruns of In Plain Sight here in the Philippines these last few weeks, and yesterday I hit upon a major jackpot: two different seasons running on two different channels, with both of them showing some unprecedented hotness from US Marshal Marshall Mann himself.

One channel - the earlier season - showed him in a basement, wearing a wifebeater and getting all wet for some reason-or-other. Unfortunately, the room got hot all of a sudden, and I was forced to change the channel back to the one showing the later season.

That's when I stumbled upon this monologue, as he gives a toast to his partner's engagement:

Here's to the best friend I've ever had, could ever hope to have, a girl for whom no man will ever be good enough, I hope you know that... I love you, and I wish for you nothing but a lifetime of happiness.

And this was my reaction: "Dang, that's so... wait, did he just say 'I love you' to Mary Whatsherface?"

Weller just kills that monologue so much that even the way he says "I love you" is just heartbreaking, knowing that she's not going to love him back right away because she's getting married to a much hotter guy. Then the camera goes to Mary McCormack's face, where it looks like she's going to die from all that awkwardness and WTF-ness... and that, my friends, is how you deal with unresolved sexual tension. (Bones and NCIS, are you listening to me?)

And... scene.

Due to a much-needed weekend away from my computer, The Makeover Project will return next week. Stay tuned for more entries about body issues, insane workouts, and all sorts of diet craziness!

The Makeover Project, Episode 1: Goals, Plans, and Random Details

Thank you to all of my loved ones and beloved readers who have sent their positive vibes my way since the last post. You guys are the best.

A little background information about where I'm starting: I'm 5'1 and 174 lbs., which means that my BMI is high and that I'm at a higher risk of being taken down by heart disease and other related ailments than most Filipino women. I've also been over-eating since I moved back with my parents, which hasn't been helped by the massive portions that we usually get at the dinner table.

My diet is currently under strict medical supervision, and has been approved by a nutritionist at a local hospital. Right now I'm trying to keep my caloric intake to 1,900 calories a day - lower than the 2,000 calories that are usually consumed in the average Filipino diet. This is actually easier than I thought, though, since the average Filipino in my age range thrives on relatively small to medium-sized portions.

Here are my goals, in a nutshell:

1. Stress management. Obesity may be Villain Numero Uno, but all of the health problems I'm encountering comes from stress. Hypertension? Blame stress. Abnormally high blood sugar? Stress again. In the long run, there are a lot of crazy ups and downs in my life, so being able to handle the craziness of it all is top priority here. 
2. Bringing the numbers down. The most important numbers being the following: blood pressure, blood sugar, LDL, and purine. Consider this as an investment in my future: I've seen what these numbers have done to my parents' generation, so I'd really appreciate it if I could reduce my risk of a stroke for the next 30 years. 
3. Weight loss. Sure, I would love to fit into sexier clothes... but what about my poor knees and ankles, which are always at risk of buckling under me whenever I walk? (Yes, it has gotten to the point where I can't wear heels any more. Pity.) Again, it all goes back to the investments I must make for the future.

So how am I doing all of this? (More, after the jump.)

Slaying the Stress Monster: The Road Ahead

So here it is - Entry #5 in the Stress Monster series.



I haven't been really keeping track of my blog "birthdays," to be honest with you; all I know is that I started this blog in 2005 because I needed the challenge of having an outlet for my creative thoughts, especially when it came to makeup. Believe me when I say that writing a blog on top of all the crazy stuff that happened between then and now - from graduate school, to building a career, to my current move to the Philippines - was no joke. We're talking about changing formats, schedules, layouts, the whole thing. There were even a few times when I actually thought about shutting the blog down.

The question now is this: Why didn't I give up?

The closest I'll get to an answer, though, is saying that I knew myself well enough to understand why I wanted a blog in the first place. In a way, I did start this blog to get attention... but there were only two things that I knew were infinitely more interesting - and easier to justify - than the nitty-gritty details of my life: my writing, and my love for girly things like fashion, makeup, dark chocolate, and intensely hot guys.

Tempted as I was to write about the mundane but heart-wrenching personal stuff on this blog, I decided that I wanted my blog to be a happy place. That's how I came up with the tag line about "island hospitality": I wanted Domesticity to be a safe haven from the sturm und drang of everyday life and mainstream media. It was the closest thing I had to actually opening up my own outdoor lanai, where everyone can hang out and relax while I dish out gossip and beauty advice.

And now, five years later, here we are.

Life's different for me now. I've gone from contractual teaching and tutoring gigs to full work loads as an ESL instructor. I've swapped my retail-therapy walks around Ala Moana Center for actual jogging around my neighborhood. My financial concerns now revolve around car payments and building up my personal savings. And instead of whining about how I should be studying or lesson-planning while I'm actually writing something else, I now appreciate my time for creative writing - and blogging - for what it truly is: a challenge.

I see my parents' friends and neighbors in our home town, and it amazes me how these people in their 60s and 70s have managed to keep themselves on the up-and-up; they may complain about rheumatism or diabetes, but they're still getting up every morning to go walking, play chess, head outreach ministries, travel around the world. No severe illness - not even stroke, or cancer - could stop any of them from wanting to go out and try new things, the better to keep themselves from being lonely. Can't drive? Let the young pups drive you around. Can't buy cute clothes at the mall? Hire a seamstress and let her do all the altering - or, heck, buy the fabric yourself, give her your measurements, and go from there. There's always a way.

All of these things are happening around me, and it does make me wonder: How much further can I push myself - to challenge my body, my mind, my heart, my spirit? How much more can I explore this world around me, and the relationships that make me who I am? How else can I find meaning and purpose in my own everyday work?

Then I look at this blog - and the many pages of HTML I've generated in the last five years - and I think: Well, here's an answer for you... one of many, but still an answer.

There's still a long road ahead of us. Let's make it an awesome journey.

Slaying the Stress Monster: The Burden of Proof

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the ongoing presentation of FML: A One-Woman Drama. As you can see, this is a dialogue that has been running since the beginning of time, in various incarnations and different outcomes. This current production is for the benefit of Domesticity readers and other worthy folks who need help in realizing the actual awesomeness of their own lives. 

Our featured players for today are Meimei, in the role of Self, and... Meimei, in the role of Self. Due to unforeseen circumstances, however, our musical score cannot be played on the world's smallest violin, so we have replaced it with an endless loop of this song instead.



Self, I hate myself today.
- Hold it right there, Self. How did you come to that decision?

I just know, self.
- Know what?

I can't stand it. I'll never be a successful blogger.
-Tell me why you can't be a successful blogger. I need proof.

Well... I try my best, I put up pictures and videos, but my numbers aren't up. Nobody reads me.
-That's not enough proof, counselor. What do you mean by "nobody"? Did somebody magically transport you into a Wonder Girls music video? I've already seen your reader stats, by the way, and they look pretty good.

But I see these fashion and beauty bloggers, and they get all sorts of attention in the press, and people rave about how fabulous they are and get tickets to Fashion Week and interviews with celebrities and WHY AM I NOT FABULOUS ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE?
- Yes, but those same people have to deal with flame wars, writer's block, and accusations of "selling out." Do you really want to risk your mental health on that crap? And, hello, did you just forget that you have a day job now?

But I'm just a university employee out in the literal boonies.
- A university employee who happens to have an awesome blog and a pretty good command of English grammar, by the by. At least you don't use Comic Sans. Or post Ur BlOg eNtRiEz LyK dIs cuz U lyk txt.

Haha. Seriously, though. I'm not fabulous enough to be a blogger.
- Says who?

Says them.
- Who's them?

The cool people.
-Which cool people? Are we still talking about the people you went to school with AGAIN? That's water under the bridge, honey. They would never have friended you on Facebook if they didn't think you'd grow up to be an awesome person, don't you think? (turns and waves at actual Facebook friends reading this blog)

Well, I guess that makes sense now.
-See?

But... but... the media, and the society, and the expectations for women -
- So? Are all these criticisms directed personally at you? Because as far as I know, there are no press conferences scheduled for People Who Truly Believe That Meimei Does Not Meet Our High Standards of Awesomeness.

I know, I know - but there's this expectation from everyone -
- Here we go again with the "everyone" business. I want names this time. 

Um... Jennifer Aniston?
- Right, as if that woman is going to fly out to the Philippines just so she can laugh at your face. Really, now, did you really think that Maniston will take time off from her busy schedule to get on a jeepney and ask for directions to the Hacienda?

No - she'll end up taking two jeepneys, and she'll have to take a tricycle, which would cost her 70 pesos instead of  -
-And that's a problem, because...?

Wait, self. That's not a problem. That's an EXCELLENT idea! (cackles evilly)
- See, I told you. Let me repeat: You live on a Hacienda with a loving family, proper indoor plumbing, and an Internet connection that hasn't died on you. You've made a lot of awesome friends all your life, and they still get along with you to this day. You've managed to beat the odds by getting two degrees in the United States, traveling around the world, and landing a day job at one of the most respected universities in Asia. Neighborhood kids, tricycle drivers, and feral cats treat you with a lot of respect. Did I also mention that you have a great sense of humor?

Well, that sounds nice and all, but -
-Here's another thing, though: Let's look at this conversation we just had right now, and pay attention to all the negative things you've said about yourself. How would you feel if you told your Mom that her life sucked? Or if you told your sister that she'll never be fabulous enough just because she lives in the boonies?

But... wait a minute, SisMei does not live in the boonies. If I ever talked smack to her and Mom like that, they'll never talk to me again.
-Exactly. So why would you talk to me - your own Self - in the same tone of voice that you wouldn't even dare to use on your loved ones?

Aha.
-Aha, exactly. Now haul your butt out of that office chair and let's get some awesome stuff done today.

Great idea, Self.
-Any time, Self.

(Exeunt)

Slaying the Stress Monster: The Plunge

And now, a word about swimming.



At my age, I've also given up on the possibility that I would look hot in a swimsuit. Heck, I don't even swim that much any more; I barely had time to hit the water during my last few months in Honolulu, and I have yet to find a non-icky pool here in my town that isn't too far and doesn't charge through the nose. As it goes, the cutest suit in my closet is a black one-piece with good support all around and a low-cut leg; it's nice, but it's also aerodynamic enough to stay on when I actually do my laps.

The last bit is actually very, very important to me. Whenever I go to the pool, my first few laps are always the worst, because everything worries me. What if I get a leg cramp in the middle of the pool? What if I get an asthma attack and end up with a lungful of water? What if - horrors! - I actually run into ANOTHER SWIMMER?

Again, my mind is already a dangerous enough place when I'm worrying about my safety. The last thing I want is to worry about how my body looks in a swimsuit. That's why I already deal with that question when I buy the swimsuit, and even then I'm more concerned about more important things, like adequate breast support (water + boob bounce = ouchies) and wayward straps getting in the way of my freestyle stroke. Mind you, I'm just as picky as anyone else when it comes to shopping, but believe me when I say that my body insecurity ends as soon as I leave the dressing room and sign the dotted line on the receipt.

This is where my Sportswear Mantra comes in: "Cute" never saved anyone from a fatal injury. 

It's not just swimsuits, mind you. I have to go in the water with a bathing cap and goggles, because otherwise I can't see where I'm going. I'm super picky about my running shoes because I need the support; otherwise, my chances of injuring myself increase exponentially. The same thing applies to everything I use for working out, from sweatpants (no camel toes and "chub rub," please) to socks (I hate it when they lose elasticity) to sports bras (again with the boob bounce) and iPod holders (this may not be the sexiest thing on earth, but it's the best for keeping the iPod Touch from slipping while I work out)... and let's not even forget the waterproof SPF, if there's going to be sun exposure for more than an hour and a half. 

(Ironically, I slap on less sunscreen when I go out for my walk-to-run routine, only because I make sure that I leave the house when the UV rays are at their weakest. The only concession I make for vanity, in this case, is to brush my hair before leaving the house.)

By the time I make sure that everything's been strapped down, tied up, and ready to go, I don't have any brain power left to think about what people will say when they look at me - even if I do, indeed, look like the product of Lady Gaga's one-night stand with Cthulhu. Just don't take it too personally if I don't notice you, because I'm just trying to get past this same lap as you are... and the sooner I finish without hurting anyone, the better it will be for both of us.

Slaying the Stress Monster: The Mind and the Competition

These are the words that have been instrumental in helping me get my head together:

Every thought is a choice.
Every choice leads to a decision.
Every decision leads to an action.
Every action has the potential to change a life... not just your life, but the lives of those around you.

On paper, it looks so simple - but in real life? Oh, dear heavens, no.

Believe me when I say that I have the capability of ruining my own day with a simple thought. It always starts with something that sounds so harmless at first:  I'm so tired. I feel ugly. I'm surrounded by morons. Then I go about my day, and suddenly I do find myself feeling tired, ugly, and surrounded by morons. Sooner rather than later, I've already collapsed on the couch crying... or, worse, I'm crying and can't even sit on my couch any more, because I've already taken out my frustration on every single piece of furniture in the house.

Maybe I can't help it because I'm just as human as you are, but seriously: It really doesn't have to be that way.

For the longest time, I've told myself that I wasn't a jock, not into sports, nowhere near being an athlete in any shape or form. This may be true in some aspects of my life, but I used this line of thinking to deliberately hold me back from taking my exercise routine seriously - and, in the process, it has actually kept me from taking my own health seriously. But I didn't know that; I just wanted to be a hedonist and do away with the pain altogether.

Eventually, when I did step back to take a look at all the crappy choices I've made in my life, I did see a pattern: It wasn't the exercise itself that brought me down, but my refusal to pursue activities that I really enjoyed. Note that I said "refusal" here, because let's face it - if I really wanted to take those classes in yoga or ballroom dancing, I would've done anything and everything in my power to fit them into my schedule, even if it meant ponying up crazy amounts of money for fees and equipment. The exercise didn't have to wear me down, because I was already doing a great job of doing that to myself.

In short, I have become my own toughest competition... and I wasn't going to keep letting Meimei hold Meimei back any more.

Think about it: Nobody else eats my food for me, and nobody else gets to lose my weight for me. None of the hot celebrities, gossipy tabloids, and real-life sexy people of the world are addressing me directly and telling me personally that I'm an unworthy human being. The fact that I'm actually still alive - to say the least of finishing graduate school and writing a beauty blog for five years - is proof enough for me that I'm not here to waste any time or space on any kind of whining and lolly-gagging. And, honestly, if you do believe in a higher power, like I do - regardless of where you stand on religion - you probably may have realized by now that the real struggle between good and evil begins within the individual self.

Again, nobody is holding a gun to your head... and even in the off chance that somebody really is doing just that, you still get to decide if keeping it there is the right idea. If you knew that your decisions will lead to action - and the action that you choose to do could change more than one life in the long run - what kind of a choice will you be able to make, and how are you going to make it?

Slaying the Stress Monster

Here's the thing: I'm back on the exercise kick right now. This has nothing to do with swimsuit season, though it is coming up in a few weeks over here in the Philippines. Nor does it have anything to do with weight loss... okay, fine, so I can stand to lose a lot of weight, but I've already stopped crying over those last twenty pounds not too long ago, and I'm not going to start up all that drama again right now.

My main goal for this exercise kick? Stress relief.

Mind you, it's not exactly a good sign when you go to your doctor for a respiratory infection - like I did three months ago - and you walk away with two weeks' worth of meds for your high blood pressure. Add to that the job situation I've been in since the beginning of the year, and you can see why I consider it a miracle that I've been able to get through this without going on a massive hate rampage.

So basically, according to the last doctor who told me to exercise more, my stress levels look like this:



Which is ironic, considering that my sanity levels should look, on average, a little more like this:



And now you get the picture.

For the next few entries, I'll be writing more on the things that are keeping my motivation up and my stress levels low. Who knows, I might end up looking more hot in the process... but until that happens, I'll aim for "not chronically stressed" and go from there. :)