YouTube with the Picture Off

Because I like my entertainment cheap, I often hang out at YouTube looking for songs that I haven't heard in a while. The key word here is songs - there are just some moments when I'd rather listen to the song (or browse another website altogether) than watch the video itself. It also explains why I've developed an addiction to the following...

- Nelly Furtado, "No Hay Igual" and "Say It Right." Let me state for the record that I am not a fan of the current skanked-up version of La Madame Furtado - not that I was that crazy about the "I'm Like a Bird"/"Turn Off the Light" era, either (oh, please, like I didn't wear out Whoa, Nelly! back in the day), but I like Nelly best when she's ponderous and wistful at the same time, like in her videos for "Try" and "All Good Things." Which reminds me, the guys in those latter two videos were hot hot hawt, and there's no way either Calle 13 or Timbaland are anywhere in that same eye-candy league. Take the video away from "No Hay Igual" and "Say It Right," however, and you've got two songs that should've been hits right about now: "Igual" has that infectious, speeded-up reggaeton thing going on, and "Say It Right" sounds like what "Promiscuous" should've been if Nelly really meant what she said about going for a sexier, more mature sound.

- Vanity 6, "Nasty Girl." Speaking of skanky, I remember listening to this song on somebody else's car radio and thinking, "Oh, how fun" - until I heard the ad-libbed skit at the end of the song (y'all remember what that one's about, right? the one that goes "I need seven inches...") and started laughing way too loud for comfort. Don't know if you could find THAT version on YouTube, but I'm just as content listening to this one while I'm washing the dishes.

- TI, "What You Know." Yes, I've tried my best, and I still don't see the fuss about TI and his hotness - good-looking, sure, but he skews a little too young for me. That said, if I had a car, and this song came on the radio, I'd be blasting this joint out of my speakers.

- K7, "Move It Like This." Going from Dirty South to South Beach freestyle, this song used to be my guilty-pleasure jam when I was in high school, and to this day I can't listen to the line "Lydia, I miss your rose tattoo" without cracking up. The video, on the other hand... gee, okay, I get the part about the ladies being "natural" and all, but did you even need to have all those cheesetastic, pre-Backstreet Boys choreographed dance sequences?

- No Doubt, "Running." The video that they do have isn't bad - it's a montage that darts between old No Doubt and current No Doubt - but it's not my cup of tea, especially considering what Gwen Stefani has turned herself into lately. The song, on the other hand, has a lovely, mournful quality that's just great for those moments when I'm feeling pensive.

- New Order, "Crystal." Again, I'm meh on the video (and that's where The Killers got their name? REALLY?) but belting out "We're like crystal, yeaaahhhhhh" alongside Bernard Sumner is the best way to blow off mid-typing stress.

- Nine Inch Nails, "The Fragile"; U2, "Dirty Day." The U2 one I don't have to turn off the video - it's actually the live version from the Sydney leg of the ZooTV tour, and Bono has never looked hotter while playing his own guitar - but the NIN one, also a live version, makes me sad because people keep throwing stuff at Trent Reznor while he's singing. HELLO, PEOPLE, IT'S TRENT REZNOR! Who in their right mind would throw stuff at such a beautiful, beautiful man? Anyhoo, 'tis a pity none of the Powers that Be thought that either one of these songs were good enough to be made into videos, because we're talking about some seriously stunning songwriting here.

- Me'Shell Ndegeocello, "Who Is He and What Is He To You?" The song itself was my first taste of HoYay! since I flew my parents' coop; it's so intriguing to think about a woman singing this to either a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and Me'Shell makes this sound so damn hot that, really, I couldn't care less which team she's calling out here. That said, it also makes me sad that I can't find Bill Withers' original for this one. Come to think of it, there's not enough Bill Withers on YouTube... and how sad is it that the only decent version of "Use Me" that I could find is actually... gulp... a duet between Taylor Hicks and Elliott Yamin, live from Birmingham? (And don't even get me started on how Taylor sounds way too much like Bob Seger on this one.)

- Gordon Lightfoot, "Sundown." The only thing more shameful than loving this song - or Gordon Lightfoot, for that matter - is leaving the radio on all day in the hope of hearing at least one DJ in Honolulu sneaking this song in between the ten millionth back-to-back playing of "Breakaway" and "This One's For The Girls."

- The Guess Who, "No Sugar Tonight/ New Mother Nature." Lonely feeling, deep inside. Find a corner, where I can hide. Silent footsteps, crowding me. Sudden darkness, where I can see-eee-eee-eee-eee.... WHAT? Oh, don't look at me that way!