Monday, May 30, 2011

What's Your Fantasy: Trend of Two

Okay, so The List just got reconfigured.

I've already said everything that needs to be said about my new blog-boyfriend, so please don't disabuse me  of my notions by submitting more evidence to the contrary.* As far as the Meimei-verse is concerned, The Current Hotness is a lovely gentleman who showers with shampoo and good soap every time, and uses toothpaste on a daily basis.

(*T'hough, to be fair, I will accept blackmail-quality videos of him singing karaoke. Especially if his song choices involve the greatest hits of Burt Bacharach and/or Bruno Mars.) 

So I'll just go ahead and bring up Nathan Fillion.

Seriously, folks - don't you think he and The Hotness could almost pass for brothers?
Putting aside whatever rant I have about Fillion's career going into dormant mode when he should be getting the Statham-esque roles currently earmarked for The Hotness (dammit), or how Fillion has dealt gracefully with both his fans and personal life in ways that The Hotness should know best to emulate (double dammit), or even the fact that Fillion is definitely taller than The Hotness (come on, have you guys seen The Town? I rest my case)... well, I think that it's time for me to make a concise argument on why those two pretty much belong on the same page here.

First of all: Will you please look at that profile? Thank you.

Yes, it looks like I'm favoring Captain Tightpants here, but it can't be that hard to see the common ground between him and The Hotness: the steely gaze, the unwavering confidence, the dry sense of humor... and, in spite of it all, an aura of good-hearted decency that's almost heroic - "immaculately polished," as T.I. would say, "with the spirit of a hustler and the swagger of a college kid." I'm not a dude, and I don't kill people for a living (or at least play them on film and television), but I want that quality for myself, too: the capability to disarm an entire room in a blink, with a smile, and nary a single stain on my good clothes.

Still and all, though, we're looking at two equal but separate types of hot.

You know what I said about The Hotness being the type who uses toothpaste on a daily basis? Well, Captain Tightpants is the type who will try out the "good" toothpaste, just to switch things up a bit.

The Hotness will never think twice before stealing your face wash from the bathroom. Captain Tightpants, on the other hand, will never be above borrowing your concealer for his pimples.

The Hotness will hesitantly join you on your trip to Sephora, only to end up buying the frizz serum that will change his life. Captain Tightpants will deliberately go to Sephora to buy the same frizz serum, and replace the concealer he ganked from your makeup bag.

Captain Tightpants shows up at a shoe sale when the Hugo Boss loafers go for half-off. The Hotness shows up at the same shoe sale... and buys his second pair of Cole Haan lace-ups, because they make him look totally GQ'd up.

When Captain Tightpants runs out of cologne - or gets tired of it - he opens a drawer in the closet and picks one from the many bottles that he's received through the holidays. The Hotness, on the other hand, will never run out of cologne; in fact, he will never tell you that he's been buying Dolce and Gabbana Pour Homme for himself - the real thing, not the cheap "smells like" crap from the mall - and wearing the heck out of it all year, seasons be damned. He's amusing that way.

No comments: