The Case for What You Need

Or: Thoughts from watching all the videos in the one-disc INXS Video Collection

- Michael Hutchence = sexy. Bearded or shaven, trouser-waist denim or low-riding leather, in a suit or a T-shirt, sometimes with practically nothing at all... and even with the chinchilla on his arm at the beginning of the "Need You Tonight" video, which at first I thought he was saving up for a snack.... yeah, sexy. But also a surprisingly versatile vocalist, too: depending on the mood, he can be sweet, funny, menacing, political, bluesy, love-struck, spriritual, or even subtle if he wants to. I spent all this time concentrating on his booty and I never noticed what an amazing voice he had. And that, my friends, is only going to make me more disoriented about JD "Antidepressant" Fortune replacing him.

- As for the rest of Our Band: INXS, here's how I rank them in cuteness: Garry Gary (in the early clips I actually said, "Oh my, he's just a baby!" - but then he got near shirtless on "The Gift" and all of that went out the window), Jon (nobody air-drums better), Andrew (yep, his pudge was yo-yoing back then, but I gotta give him some credit for the more-insightful-than-you-thought lyrics)... and in a surprising tie for last, Tim (now I can say with authority that I don't blame anyone else in the band for giving him the responsibility of saying "I'm sorry... but you're just not right for Our Band: INXS" - let's face it, though, he was a killer guitar player and a decent chap when he wasn't trying so hard) and Kirk (yeah, great sax solos and all, but not enough to erase memories of his John Waters-meets-The Wiggles performance on Rock Star).

- And speaking of Our Band in the "Need You Tonight" video - Hutch and the pet rat may have taken all of my attention back in the day, but I can't believe how visually striking and surprisingly funny the whole thing was, all in all. Gotta love the part with the other guys in white sweaters acting as backup singers before coming up with their own “choreography” for the chorus - hee!

- Wait... so "Original Sin" was actually that "Dream on white boy" song that I kept mangling back in second grade? Interesting.

- Hello, video for "Devil Inside," directed by Joel Schumacher. Thank goodness I didn't have to look at you all the way through. Which is a pity, because I will forever associate this song with a cute guy in 8th grade named Drew who once got this song stuck in his head and ended up singing the chorus while we were trying to figure out the periodic table. To make up for the video (and, Drew, if you're reading this - call me!) I will settle for the thought of JD covering this in concert.

- Also: “Elegantly Wasted” is still as annoying as I remember. I turned it off as soon as I saw Garry Gary sporting Kirk-style facial hair.

- And where is the video for "Not Enough Time"? That means I'll have to rent Disc 1 of I'm Only Looking...