Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the ongoing presentation of FML: A One-Woman Drama. As you can see, this is a dialogue that has been running since the beginning of time, in various incarnations and different outcomes. This current production is for the benefit of Domesticity readers and other worthy folks who need help in realizing the actual awesomeness of their own lives.
Our featured players for today are Meimei, in the role of Self, and... Meimei, in the role of Self. Due to unforeseen circumstances, however, our musical score cannot be played on the world's smallest violin, so we have replaced it with an endless loop of this song instead.
Self, I hate myself today.
- Hold it right there, Self. How did you come to that decision?
I just know, self.
- Know what?
I can't stand it. I'll never be a successful blogger.
-Tell me why you can't be a successful blogger. I need proof.
Well... I try my best, I put up pictures and videos, but my numbers aren't up. Nobody reads me.
-That's not enough proof, counselor. What do you mean by "nobody"? Did somebody magically transport you into a Wonder Girls music video? I've already seen your reader stats, by the way, and they look pretty good.
But I see these fashion and beauty bloggers, and they get all sorts of attention in the press, and people rave about how fabulous they are and get tickets to Fashion Week and interviews with celebrities and WHY AM I NOT FABULOUS ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE?
- Yes, but those same people have to deal with flame wars, writer's block, and accusations of "selling out." Do you really want to risk your mental health on that crap? And, hello, did you just forget that you have a day job now?
But I'm just a university employee out in the literal boonies.
- A university employee who happens to have an awesome blog and a pretty good command of English grammar, by the by. At least you don't use Comic Sans. Or post Ur BlOg eNtRiEz LyK dIs cuz U lyk txt.
Haha. Seriously, though. I'm not fabulous enough to be a blogger.
- Says who?
- Who's them?
The cool people.
-Which cool people? Are we still talking about the people you went to school with AGAIN? That's water under the bridge, honey. They would never have friended you on Facebook if they didn't think you'd grow up to be an awesome person, don't you think? (turns and waves at actual Facebook friends reading this blog)
Well, I guess that makes sense now.
But... but... the media, and the society, and the expectations for women -
- So? Are all these criticisms directed personally at you? Because as far as I know, there are no press conferences scheduled for People Who Truly Believe That Meimei Does Not Meet Our High Standards of Awesomeness.
I know, I know - but there's this expectation from everyone -
- Here we go again with the "everyone" business. I want names this time.
Um... Jennifer Aniston?
- Right, as if that woman is going to fly out to the Philippines just so she can laugh at your face. Really, now, did you really think that Maniston will take time off from her busy schedule to get on a jeepney and ask for directions to the Hacienda?
No - she'll end up taking two jeepneys, and she'll have to take a tricycle, which would cost her 70 pesos instead of -
-And that's a problem, because...?
Wait, self. That's not a problem. That's an EXCELLENT idea! (cackles evilly)
- See, I told you. Let me repeat: You live on a Hacienda with a loving family, proper indoor plumbing, and an Internet connection that hasn't died on you. You've made a lot of awesome friends all your life, and they still get along with you to this day. You've managed to beat the odds by getting two degrees in the United States, traveling around the world, and landing a day job at one of the most respected universities in Asia. Neighborhood kids, tricycle drivers, and feral cats treat you with a lot of respect. Did I also mention that you have a great sense of humor?
Well, that sounds nice and all, but -
-Here's another thing, though: Let's look at this conversation we just had right now, and pay attention to all the negative things you've said about yourself. How would you feel if you told your Mom that her life sucked? Or if you told your sister that she'll never be fabulous enough just because she lives in the boonies?
But... wait a minute, SisMei does not live in the boonies. If I ever talked smack to her and Mom like that, they'll never talk to me again.
-Exactly. So why would you talk to me - your own Self - in the same tone of voice that you wouldn't even dare to use on your loved ones?
-Aha, exactly. Now haul your butt out of that office chair and let's get some awesome stuff done today.
Great idea, Self.
-Any time, Self.