It has been an emotional two weeks since my return to the Philippines, and since then the changes have been unprecedented. Not only do I have to adjust physically (humidity, argh) but I also have to adjust mentally and emotionally. Suffice it to say that I can't always expect things back home to stay the same as they were during my last visit, and it's taking a lot more time for me to accept that.
I will say this, though: While I obviously shouldn't, I do care what others think of me, to a certain point. I care enough to wear a bra under my shirts when going out in public, and cover up my cleavage in places where that sort of thing is not welcomed. I care enough not to laugh too loud and not to drink too much. I care enough not to pose any pictures of myself or my family - in this blog, or any other searchable Internet forum - that would be deemed too personal and too intimate for public perusal. I care enough to iron my shirts, brush my hair, even scrub my own bathroom sink when necessary. I care enough to use proper grammar and correct spelling... or at least put my entries through several edits, in case I catch one error too many.
In fact, I obviously care enough to put my own blog entries through the editing process in the first place. Why? Because I don't want to make a mockery of myself. End of story.
In moments like these, when my emotions get the best of me, I like to think of the people, things, and places that lift my spirits. I'm obviously surrounded by these in the Hacienda, of course, and I couldn't be happier... but that doesn't mean I don't need anything else.
For the days when I do need the reinforcement, I turn to visualization. And in this case, I envision myself with these shoes...
...wearing this dress...
...with my makeup done like this...
...and (AND!) with THIS GUY as my date.
Watch out, world.