Saturday, January 28, 2006

The Case Against the Other Woman

Dear Maggie Gyllenhaal:

You know that I don't mind you, right? And you know that I'm joking when I say that you do look a little like your otherwise cute brother as a drag queen? So why are you making this way too easy for me to steal Peter Sarsgaard away from you? I mean, I could probably talk to you till I'm blue in the face about the benefits of jeans and push-up bras, but you still won't listen - and now you decide to come out in public with messed-up hair a la Kathryn Morris in the early seasons of Cold Case?

Oh, dear. It's too bad I'm not much of an expert when it comes to hairstyling. But if I were, I would've introduced you to my friends Shampoo and Conditioner, not to mention Volumizer. And perhaps I could've brought you some of the hairdo magazines lying around at Lexus' salon - no, not the ones with the American celebrities, or the Thai ones with the weird spiral perms and overdone Harajuku Girl hairdos, but the British mags with the well-written editorials and edgy dye jobs.

I'm telling you, honey: You're overdue for a reinvention. Better now rather than later, when somebody finally taks Peter into dumping you.

Kisses, Mei

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