Thursday, July 06, 2006

Domesticity Reviews: Rock Star Season 2, Episode 1

Before I begin, let me say that I need to give your retinas a break after all those hot-guy-photo postings, because even I'm getting sick of looking at them. As we say here in Hacienda de Meimei, you'd be sick too if you had steak every day for the rest of your life.

Through the power of Star World, I finally got a chance to watch the season opener of Rock Star: Supernova on repeat tonight. And let me say this: The HECK?

I mean, yeah, Jason Newsted seems to have gotten the bad end of the aging bargain, and yeah, I should stop begrudging Bwak Bwak - I mean, Brooke Burke - for wearing those sequined nightgowns that she usually does. And I'm liking both Gilby Clarke and Butch Walker more than I'm liking Tommy Lee (nyah). Dave Navarro is awesome, as always, and so is Our Band: House. But other than that, let's move on to the contestants, shall we?

Tonight's Shut Up Awards go to... Zayra, for ruining my favorite Evanescence song of all time (I swear, I can sing a better version of "Bring Me To Life" with nothing more than a Magic Sing karaoke mic and a few beers); Chris, for that asshat (yeah, I said it) re-arrangement of "Roxanne"; Dilana, for freaking the heck out of me (and can I just say that lady looks like she should be hanging out on some street corner on Honolulu's North King Street ranting about the military industrial complex?); and Jenny, for taking the edge off "This Is How You Remind Me" (aw, heck no).

Honorable mention goes to Phil, because while the voice and body is there, I really can't see "Cult of Personality" being sung by a lanky boy who used to be a chemistry major.

I also missed Josh because I was on the phone, but that's OK because I would've thrown something at him for singing "She Talks to Angels." I still want to hear him next week, though.

Ryan "Star": Tiffany Montgomery called, and she wants her name back. Oh, and JD Fortune is on line one, asking you to dial down the shtick. But then I may also have caught him so soon after witnessing the video for Ronan Keating's craptastic cover of "Iris," so I'd like to see him with a better song.

(Side note: People of Dubai, you know I love you and I want to visit your beautiful country someday, but did you HAVE to allow Ronan Keating, of all people, to showcase your best tourist attractions in a video for one of his craptastic cover songs? Because that's making me sad.)

Magni: Too stiff, and visibly nervous. Could use a lesson from Taylor Hicks on how to be more "Vegas-like" in a good way.

Toby: I don't want to see him go yet - 'cause he's hot, yo - but nothing moved me about his performance. Less over-singing on a better song would've put him on better terms with me.

Dana: I'm going to go ahead and call this -- she's the Kat McPhee of Rock Star.

Matt: Did you have to sing "Yellow" on your first time out? I mean, couldn't you have held out for "Politik" or "Speed of Sound," at least? Also, you look too much like Darren Hayes, who I just realized was still alive. Maybe I should expect a cover of "I Want You" next time? Because nothing says "I want to be in a band with Tommy Lee" like the words "chic-a-cherry cola."

Lukas: I want to love you and your little troll face, but I'd love you more if you'd enunciate.

Storm: Pretty, but not Roger Daltrey. Same with Jill, but substitute "Janis Joplin" instead.

Patrice: Reminds me of Chrissie Hynde, but also a victim of song choice. (Dammit, how did Rock Star allow so many crappy song choices, anyway?)

Not calling a Bottom Three yet - but I so want Chris and Zayra to be there because I want to be entertained when Star World airs the elimination round.

EDITED on 07/07/06, 8:39 Pinoy Time, to add that I didn't catch the elimination round, but judging by the recaplet on TWoP I'm sad - though not surprised - to see Matt get the boot. But, yeah - not only is the guy NOT Chris Martin, he is also NOT Simon Le Bon. And we all know there could only be one Simon Le Bon. Right, Jen?

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