Thursday, February 09, 2006

Domesticity Watches the Grammys

I wasn't planning to watch, so I missed out on the Gorillaz until I tuned in a few minutes too late. Plus I already knew which slack-key album won for Best Hawaiian Album (no, that wasn't meant as a spoiler) and I stayed until the final, final number honoring New Orleans, which rocked. But, ah, where to begin...

- Dear Madonna: Your leotard didn't scare me. In fact, it reminded me of the Gaultier stuff you used to wear during the Blonde Ambition days. Not scary.

- Dear Sir Paul McCartney: Man, after coming out with Jay-Z and Linkin Park I will never mistake you for a lightweight ever again. But, you know, when you broke out into “Helter Skelter,” I was half-expecting you to intro with, “This is the song Charles Manson stole from the Beatles...”

- Dear Kanye West: You're still arrogant. You're still not Bono. But you did redeem yourself with that "Gold Digger" marching-band number. Plus, I'm not handing you my Shut Up Award of the night because that one goes to every single one of the Black Eyed Peas, for failing to stay articulate while presenting awards.

- Dear Terrence Howard: You are growing on me, and you're getting easier on the eyes. Mmm.

- Dear Jack Johnson: Brah, do you need a hug? We still love you out here.

- Can I just tell you how much Teri Hatcher looked like literal hot buttered ass? As soon as she came on the television, I wanted to scream, “PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, LADY!” Not to mention that her makeup made her look even more whore-ish. Sexy, my foot.

UPDATE: Apparently Go Fug Yourself agrees with me on this atrocity. Seriously, is Teri trying to replace Melinda Clarke as Lady Heather on CSI?

- Speaking of sexy: You want sexy? John Legend with a piano is sexy. Chris Martin hanging from a railing is sexy. Ludacris' voice is sexy. Keith Urban belting out "You'll Think of Me" is sexy. Bono's sense of humor, Bruce Springsteen jamming with a full band - heck yeah.

- And the award for Damn, When Did You Get Hot? is... a three-way tie: Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day (lovely cheekbones on that man), Adam Levine of Maroon 5 (it's the slicked back hair) and Chester Bennington of Linkin Park (to whom time has been very good... hmm).

- Once again, Joss Stone - though sounding a little smoother this year - has been outclassed during the musical tribute. Even Fantasia in full Tina Turner mode was radiating more charisma and soul. Even Sly Stone in a freaking mohawk had more magnetism.

- Can I also say something about the L'Oreal HIP commercials? Not only because I've seen the stuff in person at Longs Kaimuki (can't wait to try - the eyeshadows and lip glosses look good in the package) but because Scarlett Johansson actually looked fierce with the punky blue eyeshadow.

- And just in case you were wondering: Bob Dylan beat out “Trapped in the Closet” for the Long Form Video award. Woohoo!

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