Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The Case Against More Local Commercials

Dear "April" from the local LA Weight Loss ad that's been running again lately:

Like many of the people I've written memos to on this blog (see: Oceanic TimeWarner's Digital PhoneGirl and the Lady from the Crest Whitening Strips commercials) I am glad that the product that you're endorsing has worked quite well for you. Believe me, I am psyched to learn that you've lost, well, however many pounds that you've lost with LA Weight Loss, and I can't take that joy away from you. You're rejoicing in your truth, lady, and more power to you for that.

But. That said.

Can I just go ahead and tell you that your hair and makeup in this commercial just terrifies me? I mean, I know that I haven't seen you in more than a month because I've been taking a break from watching too much Oprah and Starting Over, but every time you're on TV, I find myself ducking under the covers because there's just something about you. And by something I mean the following:

- The overly highlighted, overly-sprayed-and-curled-under bangs sprawled over your forehead.
- The bright fuschia lipstick that clashes with your skin.
- The heavy eyeliner that clashes with the fuschia lipstick.
- And, on top of it all, the weird orange hue of your tan, which not only make your arms look like beef jerky, but - in combination with the hair, the fuschia lips, and the wide-eyed "I'm so happyhappyHAPPY!" gaze that you display to the camera - is giving me some serious doubts as to how you really lost all that weight in the first place, wink wink, nudge nudge.

Like I've said, lady, I can't take the joy of your weight loss away from you. And I can't say that it's just you, because bad hair and makeup jobs are actually pretty common in some local commercials. But, really, lady, isn't the point of the commercial to make you look better than you were before you lost the weight? Couldn't the folks at LA Weight Loss be able to afford a good team of stylists to help you do something about your hair, your makeup, and your new body so you wouldn't look like you've been Stuck In The '80s at some point? And don't tell me that the women in your neighborhood dress like that, because I've been to that part of O`ahu a couple of times and I know that there are some beautiful women on that part of the island who don't look like, you know, fashion victims.

I'm sure you're a lovely lady, but please don't make LA Weight Loss do to you what Oceanic did to the Digital PhoneGirl as soon as I press the "Publish" button on this blog. Get thee to the nearest Paul Brown and tell 'em you want to look as sexy as you feel, right now. You'll be happy you did.

Warmest aloha, Meimei

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