Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The Case Against Tooth Whitening... In Commercials

Dear Lady From The Crest Whitestrips Premium Commercials:

I have nothing against tooth whitening in general. Heck, as a regular coffee drinker and wearer of red lipstick, I am practically an advocate for anything that makes your teeth look so much better than it should be. That said, I feel the need to tell you that you have replaced Jessica Simpson and the Oceanic Time Warner Digital PhoneGirl as the Person In TV Commercials That I Wish Would Just Go Away, Like, Right Now.

Let me replay this for you, shall we?
"In high school I fell in love with fashion. Think I wore bell bottoms... or leg warmers?... [smugly] I'llnever tell!"

Lady, I'm glad that the Whitestrips are working out for you, but please don't be so delusional that we'd be impressed about how old you really are behind those Wite Out-white teeth. Besides, I've got family members old enough to wear bell bottoms and leg warmers (but not at the same time), and I've personally lived long enough to witness The Hustle and the Electric Slide. And, lady, believe me when I say that we look so much better and much more convincing than your badly-dancing candy ass.

BTW, your friend in the other commercial, who won't tell us if she went to see Cher with or without Sonny? Is totally lying. Unless the "Sonny" she's talking about is actually Sonny Corinthos from General Hospital, because nothing makes me laugh harder than the thought of Maurice Bernard belting out "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" while wearing Crest Whitestrips. Now, THAT is a tooth-whitening product commercial for you!

Yours sincerely,
Meimei (a proud user of Crest Whitening Expressions in Cinnamon Rush)


Jen said...

I hate that friggin' commercial. I'm glad someone shares my rage.

Toya said...

I just have to give you props for the reference to Maurice Benard who will always be the sexiest man in soaps, even though "General Hospital" has been getting on my nerves for the last several months.

meimei said...

Jen, I am so glad that somebody else shares my rage, too. I'd rather take back-to-back local dentist commercials over that stupid ad.

Toya, GH has been getting on my nerves so much that I had to give up watching it for Lent! As much as that show bugs, though, I don't mind Mo Bernard - I've seen some of his interviews and he seems like an okay guy.