Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Case for the Boyfriend, or What's MY Fantasy?

Yeah, I was weepy for about five minutes... but then I've been talking to all sorts of people - including Stretch, Evie, and my brother - and then I was inspired to draft this. (In fact, I should give credit where credit is due: Evie wrote a similar, funnier list on her Friendster blog. - Mei, 9:34 PM)) Let me know if I've missed anything.

What I Want In A Significant Other, by Meimei

- SINGLE: not married, not separated, not even anywhere near entangled. (No priests, seminarians, porn stars, polygamists, or cult leaders, please.)

- Heterosexual: I know, not easy to tell these days, but take it from somebody who's been down that road one time too many. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

- Roman Catholic: "Yeah, right, Mei, good luck finding one." But I know they're out there! And they're not all whiny, judgmental, stick-in-the-mud types who... GRR! MEIMEI ANGRY! SMASH PICTURES!... Okay, where was I? Yeah, he must be a practicing Sunday regular, or at least have a strong desire to be converted. Y'all know how much I love God, right? So he better know how to walk the walk and talk the talk without coming off as a major hypocrite.

- Open-minded: See above. I like it when a guy is cool with me even at my dorkiest moments. This should also come in handy when he meets my family.

- Tall: Anything taller than 5'5 is fine by me. I can live with it.

- Intelligent: Both of my parents have PhDs in economics. Do the math.

- Funny: There is never enough mojo to compensate for a man without a finely tuned sense of humor, no matter how hot or intelligent he is in real life. And the only thing worse than a humorless man is someone whose "sense of humor" amounts to nothing more than laughing at tasteless, frat-level jokes. Yuck.

- Good conversationalist: A little less Kevin Federline, a little more Keith Olbermann.

- Adventurous: Not exactly the James Bond "international playboy" type, but willing to try new things without flinching.

- Musically inclined: I've got a soft spot for guitar players, drummers, bassists, and keyboardists, but if he can do all that and sing with a voice that sounds like raw honey... baby, I could listen all day.

- Athletic: Those abs, pecs, and glutes better be natural, yo. And if you're willing to take me along on your sporty adventures - or at least take me to the gym with you, so you could weight-lift while I'm on the treadmill - I won't complain.

- Handy around the house: Boy, if looking good in jeans and a utility belt were enough, Nate Berkus would've been married to me by now. But since he isn't, professional-grade competency in home repairs and expert handling of power tools are a major plus.

- Gentle: I want to say "sensitive," but that word just conjures up way too many associations with guys who identify themselves as feminists and write touchy-feely song lyrics. I'm talking "gentle" in the way that wild gorillas and dishwashing soap are gentle.

- Well-dressed: I'm not asking for designer clothes; I'm just asking for a little more thought and effort in the wardrobe-selection process. This has been a heated topic of discussion between myself and my guy friends, who don't see anything wrong about showing up at a party in grungy wear. But you know what, guys? If you expect us girls to show up at any given moment looking hot (with any kind of help that we can find in our wardrobe and beauty stashes), I think it's fair that we hold you to the same standard - because when you care enough to take care of yourself when it matters, that speaks volumes about your confidence.

- Well-groomed: And this goes with the "well-dressed" category named above. Facial hair I can take or leave, but if a guy has good skin, smells really nice - even if it's just soap - and his hair looks like it has been washed and combed within the last 48 hours? Yummy. And if he happens to mess it all up by sweating all day - but still smelling nice - it's even more yummy.

- Well-traveled: You know those contestants on The Amazing Race who have such major chips on their shoulders because they have to travel to foreign countries where nobody speaks their language and they have to trudge through this God-forsaken country to get to the next leg, which means that they have to rely on the poor unwashed locals for help and support? I wouldn't want that person for a traveling partner... and I wouldn't want that in a man, either.

- Good grasp of language: He doesn't have to be multilingual. All I'm asking for is someone who can write and speak without going out of his own way to be blatantly offensive.

- Good cook: There's just something sensual about a guy who takes the time out to make the dinner for you, especially if he's working with the best recipes and ingredients available. (No more Spam-and-ramen dinners!) Bonus points if the resulting dinner tastes like a million bucks.

- Expert mixologist/ brewmaster/ oenophile: Take it from somebody who used to date an aspiring flair bartender in college - you don't need to be with a guy whose idea of a "cocktail" involves mixing fruit juice with every blend of supermarket booze known to man, and then serving the resulting mess with dry ice and an umbrella. Give me a guy who can appreciate a good wine, a finely crafted beer, or an expertly-blended martini any time - especially if he can still hold his liquor pretty well.

- Mature: Last, but not in any way the least. By this I mean someone who has lived through it all and is all the better for it. Someone who's very stable emotionally and spiritually, not to mention financially. (You may not realize this now, but I've found that it all goes hand in hand.) This quality is probably the least negotiable of all the qualities presented in this list, but you all know that it's for a very good reason.

Other than that? I'm pretty easy. Not in a rush. Really.

1 comment:

CT said...

Heh, I want the same thing too, minus 4 or 5 other things. However, he has to kind of have to be Chinese, or else the curse of a thousand ancestors will fall on me. :-p

Nice blog, btw.